Hiei's Many Mary Sues...and Then Some

hieisues @ 2006-03-26T20:18:00

2006-03-27T02:44:14Z

I love iTunes. And the video iPod. Avatar is on it and I'm still trying to figure out how to download the damned second eppie with a season pass. *weeps*

Title: What is This? (EXACTLY what I want to know)

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Yumi and Chi

Rating:

Full Name: Yumi
Species: Cat demon (ecept fan girl Japanese is used)
Hair Color: Not mentioned
Eye Color: Not mentioned
Markings: "Neko" ears
Possessions: Youko's heart and soul. And DDR. *palmface*

Origin: I really want to know so that I may cement the entrance shut
Connections to Canon: Knows Youko and the tow are in luv for no other reason than because they are. They have sex in the second chapter (which thankfully isn't up)

Special Abilities: DDR skills. And the ability to kill Youko's character

Pros: Ugh. It's just too stupid to bear.

Cons: It's so stupid. I don't understand what the hell is going on or how this happned. The DDR is annoying as they just play it for no other reason than because it's there. Then I have to ask why a TV is in the Makai but that would require thinking. Giant paragraphs of doom run around and cause our characters to go OOC while the suethor laughs it up. The lemon would probably be annoying as well but, since the fic is rated 'T,' I might be able to report it.

Sue's Rating: 24 (then again, she really isn't described, it's more of a PWP)

Sample:
"Yoko, tell me again why you wanted to come over here," Yumi asked me Unfortunately, even though you used the word 'asked,' you still need a question mark while she sat down on the couch. "Well, I was bored, Chi's always sparring, Who the hell is Chi? and Kurama's mother doesn't like having me over. ...WTF? Plus, I've always wanted to spend time like this with you." I smirked when I saw her blush and her neko ears Die Fangirl! twitch a tiny bit. "Eeeehh, errr," Yumi stuttered. "I'll be right back, so, yea, do whatever." *palmface* I watched her walk off, her cheeks still cherry red, and I smirked again. Yumi has a soft exterior, but that's why I like her so much. ...Youko's character: severely raped I lounged on the couch while awaiting Yumi's return. *pictures smexy Youko lounging* There wasn't much to look at, for her house was like any other home. But I saw something I may never comprehend: Thank the Gods a mat with four arrows and four shapes and a game console How'd he know it was a game console? Why is he there in the first place? sitting contently on the TV. I stared at this strange sight for a moment, unaware of Yumi's entrance.
"Hi Yoko!"

"Aaah!" *headdesk* I rolled off the couch and saw Yumi standing there with her trademark ridiculous smile. I have pataented my smirk. You must now pay me ten cents to use it I regained my composure and pointed at the mat and console. She was dumbfounded. "What?" I sighed and said, "What is that thing?" Yumi realized what I meant and laughed. "You don't know what Dance Dance Revolution is?" I wonder why! "Dance what," I replied still dumbfounded. Yumi laughed again while she was setting it up. At least that's what I think she's doing. Mommy look! Tense change! "What are you doing?" Yumi turned on the console and stood on the mat. "I'm showing you what Dance Dance Revolution is. See, you use your feet for this game, and it's sort of like you're dancing. NAW! Really? Allow me to demonstrate." Demonstrate suicide please. She pressed the X button a few times like she was some kind of pro. Of course, we have a mad dancer in the house "Select music," the game requested. She tapped the left arrow a few times until she came to a song in blue letters, a song called 'Hysteria.' She accepted the song with the X button and the screen read '1st Stage.'

"Oh...my...God!" A SUE! How could I have not known? I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Her feet were moving so fast, I fear I can never keep up! Stupid tense change! Left left, right right..oh, SHIT! The Sue is raping my character! The arrow pattern was moving way too fast, so I just sat there in a daze. The song was finally over, and the screen read 'CLEARED' while hands were clapping for Yumi's performance. "Yay, another AA!" She turned her head so she was facing me and I blushed. "You wanna try, Yoko?" I thought about this. I don't know if I'd be able to keep up with her speed, but she reassured me she knew a song that wasn't all that fast. You know, I bet Youko of all people could move faster I accepted her challenge and she taught me how to play. Yumi thought that I could handle it, so she put me on light mode. I can barely do Light Mode. Then again, I play maybe once every three months "Okay, now keep pressing left until I tell you to stop." I did what I was told and when she said 'stop', I was looking at another song in blue letters, but the song was 'Groove.' The song didn't sound difficult, so I accepted the song, and the screen read '2nd Stage.' "A piece of advice," Yumi said. "You go by what you hear, not by what you see. Get it?" No I knew perfectly well what she meant You did? and I proved it with a nod. Gah. Dammit The arrows came to view and I began to play. I would've never guessed. *headdesk*

hieisues @ 2006-03-25T21:34:00

2006-03-26T04:08:45Z

Yay, we got 12th at our contest. Didn't make it to State but I did better than last year.

Sorry for the late update. Princess Mononoke was on. *drools*

Title: The Art of Lying

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: GingerBreadGirl66

Rating:

Full Name:
Sarah Allison
Leah Pokkolauf (...is this German? Or Russian?)
Species: Both human I hope
Hair Color:
Sarah - "wavy dark brown hair that she wore clipped up behind her head, except for the hair to short to fit in the clip"
Leah - "straight light brown hair with blonde highlights"
Eye Color:
Sarah - "dark brown eyes that had a green tint to them"
Leah - "green, golden colored eyes" (...UGGGULY!)
Markings: Be-ew-ti-ful. *gags* Curves and everything that suethors think make girls pretty...I don't believe I used real English.
Possessions: No school uniform, I can tell you that.

Origin: U.S. of A but also Hell
Connections to Canon: Transfers to Yusuke's school (I can never spell it! *bashes head with 'Bat of Doom'*). Also meets Yusuke

Special Abilities: Can go to school without wearing the school uniform *rolls eyes* Leah can speak "perfect" Japanese as well.

Pros: It's somewhat readable. At least one speaks butchered Japanese which makes it more believable.

Cons: The plot is very overused and there are paragraphs of doom in the second chapter. The girls themselves give really no reason as to why they are suddenly in Japan from the U.S. and all the boys fall in love with Leah. No seriously, they do. It says it so bluntly, I want to beat the sentence to death. The girls are annoying and the whole thing about how she uses a transition from English to Japanese gets on my nerves.

Sue's Rating:
Sarah - 23 (eh)
Leah - 20

Sample:
As soon as they stepped in the entire room went silent. Yes, for it was the two horrific Sues! Ready to suck out the life of innocent flesh! They looked at the teacher and saw a man in his early 40's maybe? ...damn suethor He had brown hair, blue eyes, wastall What does that mean? and lean, and looking very professional in a black suit. "Hello," he said looking at them with curiosity. "Can I help you ladies?" Sarah took a deep breath and responded in her choppy Japanese. "Erm...y-yes, we...uh…we're new at this school, you Mr. Anokya?" This was really the only redeeming part. This one can' speak Japanese well The teacher grinned at her speech and said, "Yeah that's me. I remember hearing about getting some new students I forgot you were coming today. So why don't you turn and introduce yourselves. Then I'll tell you where to sit." "Yes sir." they responded quickly. NO! Not Paragraphs of DOOOM!

The girls turned to face the class and saw everyone staring at them. "Hi!" Leah began confidently, "I'm Leah Pokkolauff. Please, is this Russian? My friend here and I just moved here from Maryland in the United States ." While she spoke all eyes were on Leah. *le gasp* She was about 5' 6" Why do people feel the need to put in the EXACT height? with straight light brown hair with blonde highlights. She had green, golden colored eyes a cute smile and freckles, and the guys loved her immediately. *palmface* She was wearing a jean skirt and a blue tank top with white vertical stripes on it, her shoes were blue flip flops and she wore a silver toe ring. Isn't there something called, oh I don't know, a uniform? Then it was Sarah's turn.

"Hello. I'm Sarah Allison, I not speak Japanese so good, so forgave me for mistakes." she said quietly. Public speaking was one of Sarah’s worst fears and when everyone looked at her like she was some ignorant little kid who couldn’t learn to speak, Well, she is in Japan speaking butchered Japanese she was terrified. Leah told her she was prettybut she never believed her. Sarah was taller than Leah at 5' 8" she had wavy dark brown hair that she wore clipped up behind her head, except for the hair to short to fit in the clip. The hair that didn’t fit hung down on the left side of her face. She had a dimpled smile *headdesk* and dark brown eyes that had a green tint to them. Her faded blue jeans fit her curves wonderfully, and the orange short sleeved polo she was wearing looked great on her. This was not her first choice of clothing, Leah, her oh-so-loving best friend had forced her to wear it, Did she hold a gun up to your head? And Sarah felt like some ugly train wreck in it. But that didn't matter because no one in the room was looking at her like a train wreck, they all seemed to be looking at her as if she were justa shy teenage girl, which she was. But I thought she was a train wreck?

"Thank you girls," Mr. Anokya said kindly "Take a seat next to the punk sleeping in the back row and I'll finish my class." Guess who!

hieisues @ 2006-03-24T20:55:00

2006-03-25T03:20:52Z

Yeah this one is late. I'm sorry. Tomorrow's will be late as well as I'm leaving at 5 in the morning for a contest. I won't be back until maybe 7 so, yay.

OMFG AVATAR! Zuko looks better to me now. It also solved my own personal question of shaved or naturally bald. I laughed throughout the entire episode.

Title: I Walk Alone

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Wolf of the Red Moon

Rating:

Full Name: Nightchild (WTF?)
Species: Wolf demon
Hair Color: "golden-blonde hair went down to her waist"
Eye Color: "dazzling yet deathly cold sapphire eyes"
Markings: Pretty much,extreme beauty
Possessions: A bucket full of angst

Origin: Makai, but we all know it to be the "Demon" portion of Hell
Connections to Canon: Meets Kurama and falls in love with him *palmface*

Special Abilities: Wolf-like abilities but nothing else mentioned

Pros: It could be interesting but I don't want to care long enough for that. The Suethor uses correct grammar and, most of the time, spelling.

Cons: The whole "fall in love" thing is working here. Also the buckets of angst that I really don't care about. Her name is just "What?" and the plot of her being banished makes me shake my head. It isn't really what a true demon clan would do in my mind, especially if this is set before the end of YYH. She's also just basically beautiful and it despises me.

Sue's Rating: 39

Sample:
"Nightchild… Night… NIGHT! It's time for you to get up! You can't snooze all day, bloody whelp!" Ah, poor whelp. Oh wait. It's a Sue Night really didn't want to wake up. The wolf youkai slowly managed to open her dazzling yet deathly cold sapphire eyes Godamn! No! to look up at a porcelain-skinned she-wolf youkai with emerald green eyes. She glared down at Nightchild, who was lying on the ground in one of the forests of Makai. The sun was high over head. It was one of those warm, sunny summer days. Yeah, problem is, it snever shines in the Makai Night sat up lazily and rubbed her eyes while her golden, black-tipped wolf ears trembled a few times and her tail flicked. It was gold and tipped in black like her ears. Wow. I've never seen a wolf that looks like that Her golden-blonde hair went down to her waist and she wore a cutoff black shirt and some baggy black pant. "Today is the day you're supposed to go to Ningenkai." The other she-wolf said.

"What? For what reason am I supposed to go to that vile, degrading place?" Night questioned with a chilling tone. Wow, she's an incredibly smart Sue She really didn't like Ningenkai and she detested ningens. They were all so… weird and abnormal. Yeah. We are, aren't we? Not to mention their habits were disgusting and their ways of life sucked. o.0" They had no admiration what so ever for nature… or one another for the matter. And In going to Ningenkai, it would put Nightchild right in the middle of humans and all the nastiness that went with them. Great. Here's your picture for the "My Life Sucks Ride!" Would you like a keychain as well?

"Do you not remember? No, enlighten us Leader ordered you to go to Ningenkai. You are supposed to leave because you don't get along with anyone else and you set every ones temper off… especially the leaders! *gasp* Not the leaders! Wait, if it's a wolf clan, then why are there leaders? Aren't there only two alphas? To add to that, you are getting way to strong for your own good Not that! and if you stay any longer you could do some major damage to the pack and anything else you come in contact with! *fake gasp* You have already managed to get someone KILLED! ...YAY! Violence! At least in Ningenkai the spirit detectives will be able to keep a close eye one you! ..WTF mate? Now go! And the leader says if you are to return, we are to hunt you down and slay you just like any other game we might come across." ...YAY! Violence again! The other practically yelled in her ear. So Night was a bit reckless and had a habit of starting fights and getting into trouble, but that was no reason to banish her from Makai was it? No, she should've been sent out into the wilderness of Makai because, well, I fear that more than Ningenkai Well… I guess it kind of was. No! No tense changes are allowed!

"Alright, alright, I get it already. I'm going." Night snarled as she picked herself up off the ground and brushed off her clothes. She gave the other she-wolf a sharp glare and turned, walking in the direction of the portal to the human world. Did the portal just pop in and go, "Hey! I'm the portal to Ningenkai! Jump right in!" She sighed once she got there. Man she really didn't want to go live with the human crazies. Yeah, we're awful. Why don't you stay in the Makai What the hell was she supposed to do once she was in Ningenkai anyway? It's not like she had any money or a place to sleep… Boohoo And the spirit detectives were going to be right on her heels all day, every day. Feh! Night silently stepped into the portal and disappeared into human world… never to return to Makai another time? Who knows? No one. She died on the way. The end.

hieisues @ 2006-03-23T20:12:00

2006-03-24T02:42:38Z

I really want to know how people can be so ignorant. A person contacts someone they've never met and asks them to buy pirated material for a cheap price. Who is that stupid? Well, apparently someone who asked me to buy it.
I swear, how can you do that to a fandom you love and not care about what happens to the series because of this? I might save some money but if the show is cancelled, how do I benefit from it? I would never forgive myself if the show is forced to cancel because it isn't making enough money to continue because of piracy. Would you like to know the fandom?

Poor Avatar. Nick already wants to get rid of it, piracy is a good reason too. I hate people who think that "just because others do it and don't get caught, maybe I should." That never works. You're more likely to get caught because you're being so ignorant and moronic.

Then she responds saying that sharing music and TV shows shouldn't be a crime. Well, it isn't if you're giving it for free. It is if you're making money off of it, moron. It's called piracy and it's every TV show creator's worst nightmare.

I feel like crap today because of this and a whole other mess of issues so enjoy this half-assed report.

Title: The Queen of the Underworld

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Eleneld

Rating:

Full Name: Queen Eleneld
Species: Darkness demon
Hair Color: "raven black; it went to her shoulders"
Eye Color: "pale blue color"
Markings: Probably a Jagan eye since she's a Hiei clone
Possessions: Hiei's soul and looks. Also, a dog demon named I.d. o.0"

Origin: Clone part of Hell
Connections to Canon: Fights our boys because she's a mass murderer. Luckily, Hiei wins but he falls in love with her

Special Abilities: Probably like Shadowbenders over at avatarsues

Pros: No giant text blocks of doom, no bold writing, could be a good storyline.

Cons: Okay, she's the Queen of the Underworld which, in my mind, means she's the Queen of the Mekai. She's arrgoant and acts too Sueish to bear. The story has random commas after dialogue and OOC characters run amok. In itself, it's boring as hell and a giant snorefest. Fangirl Japanese is suddenly running around and italics are randomly used.

Sue's Rating: 49

Sample: I feel like crap so it's unedited
"There are two mass murderers in Human World. And they are not human.", Koenma said. He was in his toddler form and he looked very annoyed. The spirit detectives were listening to his speech.," And these are what they look like..."

A profile appeared on the big screen. A short woman appeared

On it. Her hair was a raven black; it went to her shoulders. Her eyes were a pale blue color. She had a headband on her forehead.

"Her name is Eleneld-san. She is one of the mass murderers. She is a darkness demon. Age unknown. Looks like she's 15. Her only weapon known is a kanta.", Koenma went on.

"A girl? No way. Wait... doesn’t she look kinda like ...", Yusuke said. He was leaning close to the screen to get a better look.

Kuwabara and Kurama glanced at Hiei. Yusuke started to laugh quietly.

"What is it, you stupid human?", Hiei spat. He was trying to ignore all of them. Including Koenma.

"It is weird, isn't it?", Kurama replied calmly. Kuwabara nodded.

"How tall is she?", Yusuke asked Koenma.

"About 4'9", why?", He asked. He also getting annoyed that they weren't listening.

"HAH! She's exactly like Hiei-kun.", Yusuke said.

Hiei left the room muttering," Like me? No one's like me."

"Also she's the queen of the UnderWorld.", Koenma said sternly , "We can't get any info on her partner. But she's at the Docks # 55."

"Okay, lets finish this.", Yusuke said running out of the door with Kuwabara.

"Kurama-san. I think Hiei-san shouldn't know about who she really is. He might just side with her on this one. ", Koenma said before Kurama left. He nodded.

At the Docks

"Hello? Anyone here?", Yusuke yelled into the empty building.

The group walked into the middle of it. The time was about 1:00 in the morning. Crates and boxes hid the walls.

"Hmph. I guess we can go.", Hiei said. He started to head out of the door.

"Hai, I guess. But where is she?", Kuwabara said.

Just then a figure stepped in Hiei, blocking his path. It was Eleneld. Her partner in crime was beside her. It was a woman. She had black waist length hair and yellow piercing eyes. Most of her bangs covered her face.

"My-my-my. Who do we have here?", Eleneld said. She was dressed in black pants and a black tank. Kinda like Hiei's clothes.

"My name is Yusuke Urameshi . And we are the Spirit Detectives.", he said throwing a punch at her. She dodged him

As if it was nothing. Then she kicked him in the ribs. It sent him flying into the wall of the building.

"D-",he started before a pile of metal came down upon him.

"You are such a fool.", she said smirking. Her sharp teeth glistened.

Kurama got out his whip as Hiei got out his kanta.

"Oh. Two demon pretty boys.", Eleneld said. She blew a kiss at them.

Hiei scowled, but seemed to get abit red in the cheeks.

Kuwabara stayed back. "I can't hit girls it's in my code. ", he said.

"Your mercy won't help you live.", Eleneld's partner said," Let me introduce myself. I'm I.d., A dog demon."

"I'll take the poser .You take the dog.", Hiei said to Kurama.

He nodded. Hiei dashed towards Eleneld. She blocked his sword attack with her own kanta.
"I was looking forward to this.", she said. She suddenly felt a pain in her side. Hiei had slit her .

"Dammit.", she cussed aloud. Although the pain her expression showed happiness and excitement.

Hiei smirked.

"You can't beat me.", He said.

"Wanna bet?"

“Yes."

hieisues @ 2006-03-22T06:26:00

2006-03-22T12:26:51Z

Erm...so tired. *falls asleep*

Title: Daughter of a Thief

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Silver Kitsune Girl

Rating:

Full Name: Aurora Borealis Yuki?(...what the hell?)
Species: Fox Demon
Hair Color: I think silver hair
Eye Color: Blue
Markings: Two silver fox ears and a fox tail
Possessions: Internet slang for some odd reason and Kuronue's heart (WTF mate?)

Origin: The womb of a poor mother
Connections to Canon: Is Youko's daughter *throws up* and probably falls for Kuronue (ah, not the bat!).

Special Abilities: Can control plants, especially the powerful Death Tree. *slams head with 'Bat of Doom'* Knows chatspeak for a random reason and is "really hot."

Pros: No giuant paragraphs of doom and there is a plot visible.

Cons: It's WTF mate (sorry, watched 'The End of ze World' video)? Chaptspeak! Who actuallys takes the time to say W-T-F? Or O-M-G-W-T-F-H? The Sue is so annoying as she's attacked by squirrels for no other reason than because and can't defend herself. Yet, she can summon the Death Tree, a technique that took Youko hundreds of years to master. There's also a random author's note in place and tense changes. Logic has been shot, burnt, and buried in the yard. It's a piece of FTW, go to hell.

Sue's Rating: 54 (funny thing was, it jumped ten points after she said "he looked a lot like me except for my eyes")

Sample:
I sigh as I walked out Tense change! of the den I shared with my mother, Celeia. ...is that even Japanese? She wasn’t like most mothers. She never told me to stop trying to pick fights or not to steal from others, she actually encouraged it. Of course, screw morals. Before I was born. Senetnce fragment much? My mother was caught in a horrible fire. *le gasp!* That was the last time she ever saw my father. Today was my 18th It should be eighteenth birthday and I was going to find my father. Mother said his name was Youko Kurama and he lived in a big castle somewhere in the eastern region I always figured that Kurama lived in a den cuz, you know, he's a fox (she doesn’t know who Youko Kurama is because her mother kept her away from all of the stories about him). Oh know you didn't! *snaps fingers* I knew he was a fox demon and he looked a lot like me except for my eyes. That's great description Mother claimed he had gold eyes like most demons while I had blue eyes. Blue eyes are very rare Of course, we gotta be sparkkly! for a fox demon. Mother said she name me Aurora Borealis because of my eyes. ...Okay, one: demons have no idea what the hell that is. Two: Who the hell names their kid that anyways?

“I wonder why he didn’t come looking for mom?” Cuz he's OOC, Sue! And it's all your fault! I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice that a squirrel (yes a squirrel) A squirrel? Is it Scrat? was about to attack me (it’s the attack of the teenage mutant ninja squirrels! Sorry inside joke with my brother). *palmfaceheaddesk* I snapped out of my thoughts as soon as I felt something attack my head.

“OMGWTFH! Who the hell actuallys says that? GET OFF OF MY HEAD YOU LITTLE FUR BALL!” Being the klutz that I am, I tripped on a rock, knocked my head on another rock, and blacked out. Good, maybe they'll kill you

Stranger’s Prov.

I was taking a nap when I heard “OMGETFH! Sad thing is, she couldn't copy and paste it GET OFF OF MY HEAD YOU LITTLE FUR BALL!” Nice vocabulary. I recognized the voice as female so I decided to see what was going on. I walked to where I heard the voice only to see probably the strangest sight I ever laid eyes on. It was a Sue ~~A female fox demon,~~ about a billion years old 18 by the looks of her, was lying unconscious on the ground with squirrels throwing ~~pinecones~~ knifes and explosives at her. Ok, it wasn’t that strange but it was still pretty weird. and damn funny! I decided to save her from the rabid squirrels. Picking her up I noticed that she was really ~~hot~~ hideous! I threw her back to the squirrels and ran. She had long silver hair that went to her lower back, the face of Kuwabara when he's been beaten up (I'm sorry, I just had to do that) ~~and angel~~, two silver fox ears on top of her head and a long silver tail on her backside. Maybe I’ll have some fun with her then I’ll take her back to the palace. ...I'm disturbed. *shudders*

hieisues @ 2006-03-21T06:17:00

2006-03-21T12:19:39Z

I really hate it when authors do not take anonymous reviews. What are they scared of?

This would be a good Sue if the author can improve her a little bit more.

Title: Shadow of a kitsune

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: YoukaYume

Rating:

Full Name: Yume Totomari
Species: Fox demon
Hair Color: "pinkish-brown, shoulder length hair"
Eye Color: "dazzling hazel eyes"
Markings: None yet
Possessions: Two older brothers and Kurama's heart

Origin: The "Transfer Student who is a Demon" part of Hell
Connections to Canon: Transfers to Kurama's, Yusuke's, and Keiko's school, sits with them at lunch and Kurama starts falling for her.

Special Abilities: Controls plants...just like Kurama *palmface*

Pros: It's actually pretty well written. She doesn't disregard basic English skills and she has an overused plot but it could be different depending on how well she continues. There are few grammar and spelling mistakes and the Sue isn't as bad as several other I've seen.

Cons: Tense randomly changes from one paragraph to the other. It's also in present tense most of the time which makes it hard for me to read. The Sue is just that, a Sue but she isn't from America which grants her a point. The fox demons are getting annoying now (as well as RPG style introductions of characters) but it isn't that bad.

Sue's Rating: 23

Sample:
It was a school day today and Yusuke Urameshi decides Okay, past and present in the same sentence he'll actually go to school. Maybe something interesting would happen today. So he hauls himself out of bed with a groan and gets dressed into his green jump suit. Jump suit? 'Damn' he thinks with a wince. His wound from his mission a couple days ago is hurting him again. Wow, I wonder what happened? He didn't care, though. He had worse before. With that, he grabs his bag and a piece of toast and walks casually to school. Okay, we're in present again

“Yusuke!” Someone yells behind him. He turns around and low and behold it's Keiko Yukimora, the girl he fell in love with, is still in love with. ...okay...

“Hey, Keiko.” Yusuke responds, turning to look at her. Once again, tense changes

“So, you're finally going to school today?” She asks coming to a walk beside him. Yusuke puts his hands behind his head casually and keeps walking.

“So? I had nothing better to do today.” Sure you do! Go visit Hag

“Really?” She asks with one eyebrow raised. Her brown eyes looking at him suspiciously. Ugh, fragment Then she shrugs, figuring it was probably nothing. “Hey, Yusuke. There's a new student coming today. Isn't that cool?” She says with a happy expression on. Yusuke: Of course there is! One arrives every damn week!

“A new student? It's the middle of the year. Isn't that a little late?”

“I guess so, but it doesn't really make much of a difference.” She says with another shrug. With that said, they walk the rest of the way to school just talking about nothing in particular.

(Kurama's POV)

Walking to class, he meets up with Yusuke and Keiko, which is a surprise since Yusuke rarely comes to school. “Hey, Yusuke and Keiko. You finally came to school, Yusuke?” Kurama says with a teasing smile. Yusuke: Naw, I'm just here to laugh at you and go home

Yusuke rolls his eyes and responds, “Yeah, well, I got bored.”

“Hey, Shuichii, did you know a new student is coming today?” Keiko asks

“Yes I believe I heard something like that.” He responds with a thoughtful expression.

Keiko, noticing that the hallway is steadily getting less crowded, glances at at her watch. “Oh dear, look at the time. I have to get to class. See you at lunch!” She says in a rush and jogs off to class.

“I guess that means we have to go too.” Kurama says and walks down the hall with Yusuke to class.

“I wonder what that new student will be like.” Yusuke ponders while walking with Kurama.

Suddenly, someone barrels into Kurama almost knocking him over. Among the incessant chatter of people in the hallway, there is the loud clatter of books on the floor. “I'm sorry, I can be a real klutz sometimes.” The young woman says, bending over to pick up her books. “It's OK. Here, let me help you.” Kurama says reassuringly and starts to help her pick up her books. Even Yusuke helps pick them up. Cuz Yusuke's such a gentlemen

Her pinkish-brown, shoulder length hair is covering her blushing face. Her dazzling hazel eyes hypnotized the two ~~focused on her books.~~ After collecting all of her books, she stands up, her eyes downcast. “I'm terribly sorry, really I am.” She says quietly.

“Don't apologize. I was an accident.” *re-reads sentence* *bursts out laughing* Kurama responds with another reassuring smile. 'She looks so weak and helpless.' He thinks looking at her. *gags*

He sees her glance at the watch on her wrist and a surprised expression comes over her face. “It's late. I have to get to class. Thank you for helping me” she says and runs off down the hall.

“Come on Yusuke, we better get off to class too before it gets too late.” Kurama says to Yusuke and they head off to class.

“Hey, Shuichii. That girl was kind of hot, don't ya think?” Yusuke states and looks over at Kurama to see that he is looking at him with one eyebrow raised. “What?” He asks and Kurama just shakes his head. Kurama: Gods Yusuke, you moron. She's supposed to be for me.

hieisues @ 2006-03-20T18:18:00

2006-03-21T00:19:53Z

This was going to go up this morning but my Internet was down. *tear*

Title: Ties that bond

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Dragoona

Rating:

Full Name: Katarina Anderson
Species: Human, half fox demon reincarnated...like Youko *palmface*
Hair Color:
Demon - "jet black hair"
Human - "deep brown"
Eye Color:
Demon - "deep blue eyes"
Human - "blue-gray"
Markings: None yet
Possessions: Kurama's heart. Poor Kurama *weeps*

Origin: The new "Was Member of Youko's Thieving Party" part of Hell
Connections to Canon: Member of Youko's group, goes to the same school as Kurama. Falls in love with said Kurama

Special Abilities: Runs fast and is half fox demon. Annoying abilities as well

Pros: No bold text, paragraphs of doom, or complete OOCness.

Cons: Grammar errors and some spelling errors that make it hard to read. The girl's name isn't anything close to being even Asian so I hope she's foreign. Even the teacher's name isn't really Asian. Kurama's last name is misspelled and the way she writes he chapter is kind of annoying (see sample). Sometimes, capitalization works and then it randomly disappears.

Sue's Rating: 30 (might go up, considering how well she continues)

Sample:
Flash back: Not flashbacks!

Rushing past the trees we see a young half-fox demon Come on now, when isn't a Mary Sue not a fox demon? running through the forest. She stopped suddnly at a clearing; looking over the horizen. Poor Mr. Semicolon The wind blew steadly; her jet black hair flew into her face. She must like semicolons She panted from all the running she had done. I would've never guessed she panted from running! Wow, the logic amazes me! Just then she collapsed on her knees. Unsessefuly ...do I want to know? trying to get off the ground, and her deep blue eyes pearcing all around. Yum, pear "No I'm to... late." She said looking over the hills at the one she was tracking fall in battle. With a white light he was gone. "YOKO!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Finding her unseen streghth Yes! Strength now comes in Invisible Packaging! For six easy payments of $19.95, you too can own Strength in Invisible Packaging! she ran at the humans; soon leaving in a blurr. Poor semicolon

End: Why do you have to put this here? Why?

ding ding ding. The bell sounded for classes to begin. I was thinking of the poor alarm clock again Kurama tapped his pen on the desk in deep thought. Once again the teacher was late to class, and what would a class with no teacher do, deffently behave, yeah right. I don't understand The class was in an uproar. Some were tossing paper airplanes, and others were hollering. I can see the paper airplanes, not the hollering

"Hey." Came a cheary voice came to Kurama's ears. It was Katarina; What kind of name is Katarina? In Japan? she was sitting in the desk next to him. Katarina was a few inches shorter than Kurama, her hair was a deep brown, and her eyes were a blue-gray. She also wore a size AA cup, oh wait, nevermind

"Hello." He said in reply.

"Looks like Mr. Meazoki The hell? forgot his keys again." She said laughing.

"Perhaps. How was your weekend Katarina?" He asked in his calm caring voice.

"Same old, same old, but I wish my dad would stop his drinking while I'm home."

"He's no..." He was intrupted by Mr. Meazoki abrouptly entering the class room. He wrinkeled his nose at his miss-behaving class. And shot them all, except Kurama, to hell

"Aheam. Would anyone like to fess-up to this mess!" Yeah like anyone would truthfully own-up to this. ...What? "I'm waiting." Just then half of the class points to Kurama and Katarina. They just staired at one another and around the room. "I want to see you two after class." ...*headdesk*

"But, Mr. Meazoki,..." She was brutly intrupted by the teacher making his way to the front of the room.

"Ms. Anderson I don't want to hear it. After class you two." Kurama dicided not to argue and take the punishment even though he had nothing to do with the mayheam. Poor Kurama. *weeps* Katarina on the other had opened her mouth, and salamed It's the new dance move! Salam! her head to the desk. Hey! That's what I feel like doing! Some of the class laughed making her bang her head on the desk a number of times. Man, this Sue's reading my mind! "Ms. Anderson, if you don't mind I would like to teach the class now, so if you would please stop making a fuss."

"I'm sorry Mr. Mezoki He got a name change! sir." She said unhapply. The history class went on as usual, well up until the end. The bell rang, but normaly Kurama and Katarina would go to lunch but today they would have to skip, and clean the class room. They took the mop, broom, and other varise cleaning equipment from Mr. Meazoki. But...why is there that much of a mess when people just threw paper?

"ugh,... I would expect this from you Ms. Anderson, Mr. Minamoto, Poor Kurama again I don't know what to say."

"Sorry sir." He said and begun to clean.

"Shuichi, why are you taking this? You didn't do anything." Katarina wispered.

"I know, but there is no use in aruging." He said while continuing his cleaning. That doesn't sound like Kurama

'... your alway's to forgiving and kind.' She thought to herself shaking her head, and picking up papers from the floor. After almost an hour they were given the ok to go to lunch. "Agh... man we won't have time to eat now." Katarina said out loud. They walked the long hall to the lunch room. Katarina spun around in circles and jumping around in aggatation. For no reason she tripped over her own feet and her books went saling across the hall. Hey, that sounds like me.

She awaited the impact of the cold floor she couldn't brace herself, because of the sudden shock of falling. Her eyes were wide with fear, So wide, it was easy to shove pencils into them but the impact never came. Katarina felt arms holding her up, and lifting her to her feet. What had happend was she found the stairs the hard way. ...what?

"Are you alright." Kurama asked normaly. How do you ask something 'normaly?'

"Y.. yeah I think so." She said slightly blushing. Katarina had never been the most graceful girl in the world, but it embarased her to trip in front of the guy shes had a crush on since she met him. Of course she's had a crush on him

"Good." He said with a smile and started helping her gather her books. "You really need to start using your locker."

"hehe, So you tell me every day." The rest of their day went on as normaly as it could get. Until the aliens came and abducted said Sue. She was probed to death. The end.

hieisues @ 2006-03-19T12:34:00

2006-03-19T19:07:32Z

It's been one month of hunting Sues for me...man, what a pain. I've added a new feature for the journal. The Sue's Rating! Yes, it may sound just like my rating but this is how the Sue is graded by the Mary Sue Litmus Test. On most of these, I'll be lenient but don't count on it.

This Sue's a doozy! I couldn't understand what was going on with all of the grammar and spelling mistakes.

Title: Angel Kitsune

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Miko-mistress

Rating:

Full Name: Arya Shikkion/Meriko (InuYasha senses are tingling)
Species: Angel/Fox Demon/Human? It was too confusing to understand exactly.
Hair Color: Not mentioned
Eye Color: Not mentioned
Markings: None
Possessions: A load of angst and possibly anmesia. I can't tell really.

Origin: She's some sort of angel thing, so the new angel part of Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: Meets Kurama and Youko falls immediately falls for her *headdesk*

Special Abilities: Is some sort of angel/demon/human thing. I guarantee you, she's going to be incredibly powerful

Pros: Well, no paragraphs of doom and no bold text.

Cons: The angst department burns. The poor girl, boohoo. Not. I feel sorry for the mother more than the girl. She had to die while her daughter gets a free ride to somewhere. The girl is something angelic *gags* and is incredibly flat. There's nothing to her. Youko falls immediately in love with the Sue and Hiei appears for really no reason. OOCness mutates our beloved characters while grammar and spelling leave for vacation. I feel sorry for the Internet.

Sue's Rating: 37 (wow, for the first chapter, too)

Sample:
A demon child with a baby in her arms was crying. ...Is the kid crying or the baby?

"RUN REN!" yelled a woman. That's not even Japanese. It's Rin.

"Mummy!" yelled the child. Wait, so now she's British? Damn them British demons!

"Run away he's coming after you!" yelled her mother. ...Who's coming after what now?

"But Arya is..." said Ren. What? A bitch? An angel/demon/human thing? Yeah, we got that

A demon came out of no where Like the rhino at lunch today and knocked the baby out of Ren's hand and then picked her up by her hair. Babies have hair that long? She screamed. The demon was a fox demon. Wow. Such details. Don't worry, such lines like this one appear often

"I will take both your children." said the fox demon. Poor, misplaced period. Poor fox demon

"Don't they aren't full demons!" yelled the mother. ...What has that got anything to do with him taking your kids, bee-yotch?

The baby called Arya This appears often as well. Why can't she just say 'Arya?' was crying so loud that the fox demon looked over to her a gold barrier came up around the baby. ...did anyone understand that?

"So your mate was an angel Oh, boy the one that I locked up then." said the demon. ...how do you know that, oh mysterious demon that appears out of nowhere?

The girl he was hold by her hair was trying to get away but she was shaking. Okay...

"Well if I can't touch the baby then I'll take this one." he said. I feel sorry for him. I truly do

"Ren use your powers now!" yelled her mother. Wonder Twin powers activate!

The kit tried but she was too scared. Wait, so she's a fox demon too? The fox demon disappeared in thin air and the mother screamed out her name the babies shield came down and he fox demon mother ran over picking her up then fell to the ground her leg was bleeding and a lot. Someone explain this to me. How did she hurt herself?

"Arya..." she said. NO! It's the baby now known as Arya

The baby smiled at her mother knowing that it was her and then she glew. Glew? What's Glew?

"Your going to be human." said her mother. OMFG! I magically turn into a human! *turns into a frog* GODAMMIT!

The kit-angel tranfomed into a human with midnight blue eyes and some brown hair Only some now, because, you know, babies only have 'some' hair appeared and her ears disappeared. Arya: AHH! I can't hear! *runs into a pole*

A portal opened and she sent the baby known as Arya See? Mom, gawd, get it right in. She had a blanket around her the had her name on it and it said Arya. You know, if it had her name on it, we would know that 'Arya' was written on it

"My daughter please be safe." said the fox.

She closed the potal then turned and fell down She had to turn to fall down because she's so special on the ground she had used all of her power to change her into a human and send her daughter threw the barrier losely putting it she was dieing. ...Okay. Good for her

hieisues @ 2006-03-17T20:24:00

2006-03-18T02:45:35Z

An early Saturday sporking. I can't wait until shows end.

OMF AVATAR! HELL YEAH!

If you missed today's sporking, please go check it out. And report the boy for being an asshole.

Title: Fallen Angel

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: KeoFoxFire

Rating:

Full Name:
keo
kira
yumi (what the hell is up with people and not capitalizing?)
Species: I think all human
Hair Color: Not mentioned
Eye Color: Not mentioned
Markings: Nothing yet
Possessions: The English language which is being molested in the suethor's basement

Origin: Crossover hell
Connections to Canon: Well guess what. CROSSOVER! *sobs* The InuYasha universe makes their appearances and our three Sues join up with the Tantei. I think keo is even Kagome's sister *sobs louder*

Special Abilities: The ability to make all of the characters act OOC.

Pros: She at least has a disclaimer...

Cons: OOCness bounds around while characters are forced to be so incredibly insignificant, that their names aren't capitalized or spelled right. There are huge paragraphs of doom and giant run-ons. Our Sues are just that, Giant Sues. I'm glad it hasn't been continued to tell you the truth. Nothing stands in our Sues' way in complete fandom rape. The entire crossover thing is also done badly with our newly introduced Sue being Kagome's sister. Also, the fic is centered for some odd reason.

Sample:
"keo get the hell out of bed and to school now"yumi screems That's a new one through the door of Keo's For some reason, I keep thinking of Kyo room.Yumi was a so called normal girl she always did what she thought was right unlike her older sister keo who did the fun stuff only Gods, yumi's such a party pooper "keo, kira wants to talk to you"yumi yelled for the last time over the loud music blaring from the room of the older sister"yumi tell kira she can go to hell for trying to bring me to school i dont go"keo shouts A rebel, so effing wow were heared over the music just when the music started to get louder"get down hear the both of you or were going to miss the meeting"kira yells from down stairs."comming kira"yumi says Look mommy! Tense change walking down the stairs"what the hell is wrong with keo shes the oldest and shes saposed to meet Shuichi You know what? This is the only name capitalized at school"kira says walking toward the stairs."what is it"keo says finily down stairs"Shuichi wants to meet you at school...i think he has a crush on you"kira says atomaticly Is that like an atomic bomb? running from the room and out the front door of the small cabin"get back hear kira you little ass Kira: Yes, it is quite little"keo shouts chasing after the twin sister.
The three girls arrive early at the meeting place kira all black and blue for saying that to kira Kira beat herself up? Such a masochist "hey were early"yumi says strechinbg and sitting on the grassy hill under a chery I actually wondered if she used Japanese here tree."im just going to walk around if they show tell them im around k"keo yells over her sholder walking away from the two pests she has to live with."hey where ya going keo "Shuichi says running up behind her and grabing her sholder"o hey Shuichi just going for a walk and leaving the pest behind"keo says with a chuckel. Who is this 'chuckel?' "ok then keo well anyway we better cut to the chase i have to get back to work"Shuchi says jokingly."ok Shuchi the whole point of asking to meet you was to ask you a few questions"keo says with a sigh"go ahead and ask me anthing you want"Shuchi says smiling"at the last demon atack why were you fighting?"Keo says in a curious voice"unh you got me looks like i have to explain now"Shuchi says"keo the reason i was fighting is because i work with a team the protects humans from demons Why is he telling her this? Oh right, logic we call ourselves the reikai taitan *bursts into laughter im actual just hear to get you to help us on our new mission"shuchi says putting in"o and call me kurama ok"."shure kurama so what was the name a that wipe you used? ...what? "keo askes with a giggle"its called the rose wipe"kurama says kindly Only miniouts latter keo and kurama were standing infront of a huge castle."um kurama do we have to go in there i think theres a gaint"keo says with a chuckel."yah we have to go inside"kurama answers."dont worie were almost there"kurama *weeps for Kurama* says opening the large front doors the the huge palace and walking in.as they walked through the castle many strange creatures run by in all difrent directions carring stacks of papper and books constatly running into each other and scatering around the room"so what do you think of spirit world I was actually expecting Reikai so far keo?"kurama pips up after the silent walk through the halls"its cool"keo says."thats good cause you'll be seeing alot of it if you do join the team"kurama says."ok now which way big door, bigger door, or biggiest door"keo says"big door"kurama says with a chuckel Look! 'Chuckel' returned!.

hieisues @ 2006-03-17T12:56:00

2006-03-17T19:21:33Z

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Hope everyone won't get too drunk tonight (if you can drink). AVATAR SEASON PREMIERE TONIGHT! Don't miss it!

I changed my LJ layout and was wondering if anyone else liked it?

Today's fic is so bad, I'm considering logging in to tell this person off.

Title: maby to be or not to be

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: killer on the street or you think so

Rating:

Full Name: kana (yes, once again, no captalization) who turns into "reeney" through a Youko reincarnation
Species: Fox/Bat/Cat Demon and a witch *headdesk*
Hair Color:
Fox - "hair is up to your shoulder and your hair color white with blue streaks"
Bat - "hair is red and is always down you have blue on the tips of your hair"
Cat - Not mentioned
Witch - "Long black hair"
Eye Color: Eyes are not mentioned for any of them
Markings: Bat wings, fox ears, cat tail, the works. I may even log-in just to send her a hate review since she doesn't accept anonymous reviews
Possessions: My unbeating, demon heart. Oh wait, that was my broken clock

Origin: Some layer of hell that has yet to be discovered
Connections to Canon: Works with Youko and Kuronue and is a Tantei more than liekly at 11 years-old

Special Abilities: You're gonna love this
Fox - "If you watch sailor moon you have all there powers if you don’t than make it up"
Bat - "If you watch inuyasha you have all the powers in it yes you can control the wind scare plus you’re the protector of the scared jewel shard"
Cat - "If you watch naruto you have all the powers in it yes you can do hand sighs with one hand and you have the shairgun"
Witch - "You can use all the powers in one from" Then what's the point of having all those other crap forms?
Can also sing and figure skate...what the hell?

Pros: Some sort of plot weaves in and out of this shit

Cons: Grammar and spelling are dead. Their funerals were given when this fic started. It sucks and the entire rip-off of three other great fandoms just killed me. It's done in second person (you do this) and has been reported (though it won't do any good). Someone actually likes it and I just think, "she's a typical Sue! How can you like this?" I'm trying to figure out all of the Sue logic thrown in here and have yet to succeed. It should die. Now.

Sample: We're skipping the entire first page because it's bascially what I've outlined above
History

You are in youkos group, Poor punctuation you outrank kuronue and youko Of course, typical Sue but you don’t want to lead a clan so you just said no when they ask it *palmface*.you go on missions with youko and kuronue.your father was the best of friends with youko and kuronue so when he died you became the new one.your specialties are torture kill. There's a difference between torturing and killing, choose one or the other you can sing will and figure skate excellent Oh eff it,youko even let you have and ice rank in your room.you perform in a beer shop A bar? A pub? but you pr-perform ? at the hideout.the only way to wake you up is to say that you are in a middle of a massacre than you blot right up. ...do I want to know?

On with the story

You just fished singing black roses red What is that? at the bar everyone was clapping one guy was going up to you but youko sent a glare at him to tell you better not piss her off or make her cry or will kill you so he back away. @-@ ”kana you did great”said kuronue “I try to make you people more popular”you said “well keep on doing it you make our men actually fear for Did that make sense? ”said youko “thanks guy”you said.”are you coming to the heist?” said kuroune “no I have to go to bed early because in the human world there having me teaching the minoe ice skaters and by minor I mean they suck o ice littler You know what...This thing MSTs itself in some places “you said “okay but tomorrow you coming to the battle”damened youko “okay night guys”you say “night”youko and kuronue said.

(nest morning after the skating thing) Wow, so descriptive

kuronue p.o.v

I watched kana do her morning ice skate routings it was the only time to catch her doing something and not get killed for it. “hey kana youko said he wants you in his chamber in you fox from or he’ll kill you ass I'm gonna ass you, kana!!”I shouted but she was already gone.

Kana p.o.v

“youko kuronue said you wanted to see me in my fox from”you said

“yes kana”replien youko Youko's a reptile?

“may I ask why”I said.”I just found out that more and more foxs are beging hunted I want you to stay by me or stay some where that I can see you I don’t want yo lose my favorite worker understand”said youko I nodded “you mat leave”youko said. Wait...if foxes are being hunted...what's the point of her being in a fox form? She's got three others

“what did youko wanted”kuronue asked “he said I cant leave his sight at all that means no ice skating and no singing that sucks”you said “well a least you beging protecting”said kuronue “well I guess your right I just don’t want to be anyones pet” I wish you'd get out of my fandom

EVERYONE: Please report this fic for using second person point of view and songs. Details are in my comment.

I'm in a Foul Mood so I'm Taking out a Suethor

2006-03-15T19:43:59Z

Well, I thought I wouldn't be here today but apparently I am. I don't even know my mood because it's a mixture of depression and frustration.

Basically, I show goats and had signed up to be in the major show happening today and tomorrow. We just found out that I'm not entered. It's mostly my fault as the entry was never submitted because of a miscommunication. Good thing major shows will allow you to pay a late fee to go ahead and show. It's a little expensive but if you make it into the top, it's worth it.

They wanted a $500 late fee. Hell no.

The other major shows only charge $100 and I would be glad to pay anywhere from $100-200 to enter as I had a shot to make it into some good money. No way am I paying $1000 for two goats to go into a ring where I'd make maybe $160 if they didn't make it into the top. I also had to pay $12 for me and my brother to get into the barn anyways ($5 parking and then another $7 to get into the place, damn morons).

Then, I killed my dad's truck tire coming back home by avoiding a cone. Damn cone.

Well, that's been my day so far. I'm going to try to support all of my goat friends tomorrow so here's an early Thursday sporking. I'm feeling extremely vicious too.

Title: numb kina 1, 2, 3

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: lix-liz-trixed-ya

Rating:

Full Name: kina (yes, nothing is capitalized)
Species: darkness demon! OMG SO SPESHUL!
Hair Color: "long purple hair tied up into a black bow"
Eye Color: Not mentioned or I can't find it
Markings:
Possessions: The English language which is tied up and stuffed in her closet

Origin: The bottom layer of hell
Connections to Canon: Is the new "yuyu team" member. Hiei falls in luv with her too.

Special Abilities: Can make the English language die in horrible pain and produces two black sais from nowhere. Also kills someone without any repercussions.

Pros: Nothing!

Cons: Giant paragraphs of doom rear their fat heads. The entire story is broken down into other stories instead of in one neat package. OOCness corrupts and destroys any comprehension of this story whatsoever. I feel blood pouring from my eyes reading this shit. This person is a giant moron and should be shot to death. It's too awful for words.

Sample: (half of Chapter 1)
hiei kurama They merged? were sitting in a tree, botan was yelling at kurobwara Who the hell is kurobwara? for being stupid, That's not the only thing stupid once more. she stopped and looked up and smiled, that was a sign she was done. ...what? " ok were gonna go get a new yuyu team meber I've heard Tantei, Reikai Tantei, Reiki and Spirit Detectives. Never have I heard YuYu today" botan said. " its a darkness demon SO EFFING SPESHUL!, lives around here with her father.." " wait her" kurobawara blurted. " yes her" botan put her hands to her hips " you got a problem with it " she said stamping her foot, " yes girls are week and shes just gonna get in the way" You know, Kuwabara stopped being sexist after he met Genkai. He doesn't fight girls though because, well, girls fight dirty and unfair he stated. " baka" hiei said putting his hand to his forehead and kurama noded. botan glared and kicked kurobawara were the sun dont shine, Which could be a lot of places... he fell over holding his genitals. I would've said crotch " owww" he whined laying on the ground in the fetle Closest word is fettle: the state of fitness position. " another interuptions ...I'm not even going to bother" she said tapping her foot " yea how old is she " yusuke said, jumping from a tree, Wait, Yusuke was in a tree when now? " shes 15" he nodded " what were gonna babysit some girl " kurobawara stated trying to get up. she glared " i didnt do it" he said backing up. she rolled her eyes, " come on lets get her before we have to go to kohama's Ugh, I've about died office empty handed" she said and started walking off. - 2 hours later-
the yuyu team was walking up a gravel road, " dang how much further" kuwobawara whined, " there she is and her fathers there too maybe hes here to say goodbye.. why is she being held back by thoose boys and giving her dad death glares." *headdesk* botan asked. " kina calim What's a calim? down hes not worth your time " " NO I WILL KILL HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL" ...nevermind( if you've heard numb the old verson by linkin park then this would be a good time to listen to it cuase basically she singing it Can I report it then?) " IM TIRED OF BEING WHAT HE WANTS ME TO PUT UNDER HIS PRESSURE, EVERY STEP I TAKE IS ANOTHER MISTAKE TO HIM... IVE BECOME SO NUMB I CANT FEEL ANYMORE." Poor Mr. Caps Lock kina yelled making her father cower backwards, she got out of the guys gripp I have no idea what is going on anymore and charged at her dad. she raised her arms and 2 black sais came out 0.0 From where? and apeerd in her hand, she kicked her dad and pinned him to the wall, she had her sais in a x at his neck, she slashed his neck. And none of our boys do anything about it his bleeding body hit the floor. she glared and put her sais in her black leather boots. ...But they appeared out of nowhere and she's shoving them into her boots? she turned to them, her black velvet dress Tell me, who really fights in a dress and can move around well? down to her thigh, her nee high boots with her black socks that go up alittle above her boots top, her black velvet chocker I wished she'd choke to death with white lace, her long purple hair tied up into a black bow, still gowing past her shoulder bone. hiei was wide eyed, NOOO! HIEI! he expected someone less ... pretty. he mentally slapped himself And I slapped him again, ' i cant be thinking that' he hissed at himself, kurama gasped " well she seems nice" he said sarcastically " nice are you kidding me shes as bad as hiei" kuwobawara stated looking at kurama " and you call me dumb" but before he could insult him more yusuke hit him over the head Thank gods I ended here

hieisues @ 2006-03-14T18:25:00

2006-03-15T01:11:54Z

Ugh, I feel itchy. Word of advice: Never shear goats. The hair goes everywhere. *desperately tries to rub fur off*

This is an early Wednesday sporking! Yay, sporks!

Title: Daughter of a Seven

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: The Doctor's Assisstant My Sue sense are tingling

Rating:

Full Name:
Luna "Loon"
Sola
Species:
Luna - Powered up Human
Sola - Human
Hair Color:
Luna - Not mentioned
Sola - Blonde
Eye Color:
Luna - Not mentioned
Sola - Blonde
Markings: None yet.
Possessions: Sola is rich *sighs* and Luna is...loony

Origin: Daughter area of Mary Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: Luna is the daughter of Kamiya Minoru, a.k.a. The Doctor. *headdesk*

Special Abilities: Can cut people with her nails and psychic abilities...even though Kamiya never had any psychic abilities.

Pros: I'll have to give her credit for having Miss Luna be The Doctor's daughter instead of Kurama's or Yusuke's. Most of the words are spelled right, grammar is okay, and there isn't many capitalization problems.

Cons: Unfortunately, there is a giant hole in this suethor's logic. According to Absolute Anime, Kamiya Minoru is 29 years old. I doubt a doctor would have a child at that young of an age (he was more than likely 25-26). Also, his powers aren't genetic. They were just magnified with the increase of power from the Makai. The entire story is bland and boring and the dialogue is not something anyone would say. The names are not Japanese in the slightest. Then I see all the logic that vanishes as how her mother knew where Kamiya was or that he worked for Sensui. I'm still at a loss on how anyone except our Tantei, Reikai, and the still living Seven knows. Damn Sue Logic.

Sample:
“What I have planned” Sola started “is that on the day of the dance we get there earlier then everyone else and get this up.” She mentioned over to a banner that was laying on her bed. ...yes, okay then. She moved closer brushing Sola with a finger nail. FEMSLASH!

“Ow!” Sola said. “Luna you cut me.” I'd be like, "What the hell! You cut me with your fingernail!

Luna saw a small cut on Sola’s arm but there was no way her finger nails could have done that. Sure there is. If my goat can scratch me up with his hoof, your fingernail can draw blood They were short. Then Luna felt again the feeling of being watched but it was more intense. The hell? Damn grammar

“I-I better leave…” Luna said nervously moving towards Sola’s closed bedroom door. But before she could open it the door flew open by itself. Okay, now I know Doctor couldn't open doors without touching them.

Luna knew that somehow she had done it and the accident with cutting Sola…somehow she knew that was her doing as well. Naw, it's the ghost, you moron She ran from the room, down the stairs, and out the front door. She did not stop running till she was home. Opening the front door she was about to run up the stair I wish I had one stair when her mom called her.

“Luna home so soon,” then she saw the nervous and confused look on her daughters face. “What happened?” Besides what I think did happen?

“I-I don’t know,” Luna said. “First I cut Sola with a finger nail but the cut looked like no finger nail could have done it and then…then when I was leaving the door opened by itself.” She was glad she was telling someone this. “But maybe Sola’s house is haunted. Its no big deal.” Uh, yeah it is. You ran away.

But she could see that her mother was not convinced. “Luna…like I said before you went to Sola’s there is something I need to tell her…I fear you are getting powers like those of your father.” Of course, the daughter didn't stay so she gets punsihed for not listening. Die bee-yotch!

“My…father has powers,” Luna said shocked. “What kind of team or whatever did he join?” What the hell? Why would you ask that? What does that have anything to do with having powers?

Her mother calmed her down and then said. “Have you heard about The Seven?” You know, the group that no one knows about but us?

Luna nodded. “You told me the stories, mom. I know.”

“Did you know your father is one of them?” her mom continued. *gasp*

Luna was again shocked. Her father one of the seven and the strange happenings over at Sola’s mansion. It all made sense. It does? Luna looked to her mother and said the one question on her mind. “Which of The Seven is my father?”

Her mother looked scared but she needed to tell. In a shaky voice she said her answer.

“Doctor is your father.” BUM BUM BUMMM!

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Ugh, I feel itchy. Word of advice: Never shear goats. The hair goes everywhere. *desperately tries to rub fur off*

This is an early Wednesday sporking! Yay, sporks!

Title: <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2844296/1/">Daughter of a Seven</a>

<s>Culprit</s> Author's Name: <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/u/496934/">The Doctor's Assisstant</a> My Sue sense are tingling

Rating: <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f248/thejamirus/Ratings/SaveMeRating.jpg" border="0" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket"></a>

Full Name:
Luna "Loon"
Sola
Species:
Luna - Powered up Human
Sola - Human
Hair Color:
Luna - Not mentioned
Sola - Blonde
Eye Color:
Luna - Not mentioned
Sola - Blonde
Markings: None yet.
Possessions: Sola is rich *sighs* and Luna is...loony

Origin: Daughter area of Mary Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: Luna is the daughter of Kamiya Minoru, a.k.a. The Doctor. *headdesk*

Special Abilities: Can cut people with her nails and psychic abilities...even though Kamiya never had any psychic abilities.

Pros: I'll have to give her credit for having Miss Luna be The Doctor's daughter instead of Kurama's or Yusuke's. Most of the words are spelled right, grammar is okay, and there isn't many capitalization problems.

Cons: Unfortunately, there is a giant hole in this suethor's logic. According to Absolute Anime, Kamiya Minoru is 29 years old. I doubt a doctor would have a child at that young of an age (he was more than likely 25-26). Also, his powers aren't genetic. They were just magnified with the increase of power from the Makai. The entire story is bland and boring and the dialogue is not something anyone would say. The names are not Japanese in the slightest. Then I see all the logic that vanishes as how her mother knew where Kamiya was or that he worked for Sensui. I'm still at a loss on how anyone except our Tantei, Reikai, and the still living Seven knows. Damn Sue Logic.

<lj-cut text="Not even Doctor is saved from this tripe">Sample:
“What I have planned” Sola started “is that on the day of the dance we get there earlier then everyone else and get this up.” She mentioned over to a banner that was laying on her bed. ...yes, okay then. She moved closer brushing Sola with a finger nail. FEMSLASH!

“Ow!” Sola said. “Luna you cut me.” I'd be like, "What the hell! You cut me with your fingernail!

Luna saw a small cut on Sola’s arm but there was no way her finger nails could have done that. Sure there is. If my goat can scratch me up with his hoof, your fingernail can draw blood They were short. Then Luna felt again the feeling of being watched but it was more intense. The hell? Damn grammar

“I-I better leave…” Luna said nervously moving towards Sola’s closed bedroom door. But before she could open it the door flew open by itself. Okay, now I know Doctor couldn't open doors without touching them.

Luna knew that somehow she had done it and the accident with cutting Sola…somehow she knew that was her doing as well. Naw, it's the ghost, you moron She ran from the room, down the stairs, and out the front door. She did not stop running till she was home. Opening the front door she was about to run up the stair I wish I had one stair when her mom called her.

“Luna home so soon,” then she saw the nervous and confused look on her daughters face. “What happened?” Besides what I think did happen?

“I-I don’t know,” Luna said. “First I cut Sola with a finger nail but the cut looked like no finger nail could have done it and then…then when I was leaving the door opened by itself.” She was glad she was telling someone this. “But maybe Sola’s house is haunted. Its no big deal.” Uh, yeah it is. You ran away.

But she could see that her mother was not convinced. “Luna…like I said before you went to Sola’s there is something I need to tell her…I fear you are getting powers like those of your father.” Of course, the daughter didn't stay so she gets punsihed for not listening. Die bee-yotch!

“My…father has powers,” Luna said shocked. “What kind of team or whatever did he join?” What the hell? Why would you ask that? What does that have anything to do with having powers?

Her mother calmed her down and then said. “Have you heard about The Seven?” You know, the group that no one knows about but us?

Luna nodded. “You told me the stories, mom. I know.”

“Did you know your father is one of them?” her mom continued. *gasp*

Luna was again shocked. Her father one of the seven and the strange happenings over at Sola’s mansion. It all made sense. It does? Luna looked to her mother and said the one question on her mind. “Which of The Seven is my father?”

Her mother looked scared but she needed to tell. In a shaky voice she said her answer.

“Doctor is your father.” BUM BUM BUMMM!<lj-cut">

My Immortal...beats suethor

2006-03-14T16:20:00Z

I will be gone all day tomorrow so I'll update again tonight sometime. Then again, this is technically two Sues...nevermind.

Title: The 7 Immortals

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Darkness-Chill

Rating:

Full Name: I'm only doing two of our seven since they're the only ones met and one is dead
Kira/Kyri Fidela
Rayza
Species:
Kyri - Immortal
Rayza - Immortal
Hair Color:
Kyri - Not mentioned
Rayza - Not mentioned
Eye Color:
Kyri - Not mentioned
Rayza - Not mentioned
Markings: Nothing so far
Possessions: A necklace and a bunch of other crap I can't figure out.

Origin: The 'Thief and Immortal' part of YYH Mary Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: Go to school with Kurama and becomes buddy-buddy with him. I'm supposing that our Tantei will figure it out SOON.

Special Abilities: Immortal until killed...I'm not even going to touch that. Also, thieves extraordinaire. *palmface*

Pros: The suethor has a grasp of the English language and it could be an interesting plot if the Immortals did something other than steal.

Cons: Punctuation will randomly disappear and reappear throughout the fic. The whole 'Immortals only die if killed or heartbroken' throws me around as just insane Sue logic since in order for someone to literally die of heartbreak, they become so depressed that they do not do anything. At some points, the author throws in a sentence that doesn't need to be there (example in Sample). OOCness runs amok with Kurama which hurts me deep inside. Oh, also, the 'Rayza' person is a chick. It took me until the second chapter to get that since it really never says. This is why description is important, suethors!

Sample:
Summary (since it's so needed *rolls eyes*): Kyri is one of the well known 7 Immortal Thieves. I would suggets you spell 7 out, it's not that hard They are only able to die, if killed, or through heartbreak. Random commas Because of these reasons, they avoid getting killed, They avoid getting killed...I would avoid being killed as well for other reasons and avoid love. *single tear* They went into hiding after one of the seven, Jez, was killed. By hiding I mean everyone from the generation they had lived in, had died, except the other immortals. The hell? Does this need to be here? They come out of hiding, and the 6 of them are back rampaging the towns and stealing. Why? Why are they 'rampaging?' However, Kyri finds herself falling in love with one of the spirit worlds new bounty hunters. *coughKuramacough* Unfortunately, he's not a bounty hunter And no matter how much she tries to stop it, it just keeps hurting more. Can she survive love? Or is she doomed to death, through heartbreak? *coughHopefullycough*

Kyri ran alongside her 6 partners, through the night sky. She's running through the sky...poor sky The just got a huge hoard- jewels, gold, and who knew what else. *coughSTDscough* They had a problem when it came to guns though, they were still working on techniques to evade those, but they’d get it eventually. No, they wouldn't The immortal hunters, as they called themselves, ...okay, does anyone else find that weird? were right behind them, rapidly shooting, trying to stop the 7 thieves. That’s why they were running. WOW. I would've never guessed. *headdesk*

Bang! Kapow!

A shot rang through the air, like many other shots, but this one was different. *gasp* This one was faster……… stronger……… uglier......poor elipses and it hit its mark.

“JEZ!” *does Darth Vader 'no'*

FF After much consideration, I figured these meant Fast Forward

“Kira! You’re going to be late for school! Get out of bed right now!”

“Like I care” muttered Kira Fidela Yeah, that's a real inconspicious name in Japan as she climbed out of her bed. She pulled a black sweatshirt and a pair of jeans out of her closet and headed for the bathroom, emerging a few seconds later fully dressed, Damn she's fast, especially for a girl and her hair brushed. She grabbed her bag and ran downstairs.

“See ya!” Kira headed out the door, grabbing her boots on the way and pulling them on as she left the apartment complex.

Kira strode into her school, immediately noticing the swarm of girls chasing a red haired boy into the school. She chuckled. Poor Suichii. Okay, everyone. It's SHUIICHI It was the same every morning. She saw a friend of hers that she wasn’t expecting to see here of all places and walked, over, a little confused. I'm confused

“Hey Rayz, why are you here?” Cuz this is my territory! Kurama is MINE! *foams at mouth*

“Can’t come see an old friend of mine?” Yeah, I'm also a chick even though that doesn't become revealed until much later!

“Rayza, it’s been over 10 years since I last saw you” You know, for an Immortal, she's kind of dumb. I'm sure someone who has lived longer than most demons would know how to talk right

“Why are you here, anyway?”

“Parents” Okay, explain this to me. There's six of them, one lives a little ways away and another is in England. There's two here which makes four. How do they have parents? Honestly.

“I can relate. Mine said I needed a fresh start at a new school. This is the school, apparently. Hey who’s that guy?” Rayza painted at Suichii.

“Who Suichii? Class hottie, Ye-ah! and girl magnet. Actually, he’s a lot nicer than you’d think he would be.”

“Ky, that’s no human.”

“I agree. But I’ve been studying him for a year now, and I have no proof. His body is human. Oh and here I’m Kira. Safety reasons. I change it like every century or so. “ Why every century? Isn't that a little...suspicious? I would be changing it every five years or so and changing schools every five years.

“Alright, hey checked out the museum in town yet?”

“Yeah. Anything you like there?”

“There is one necklace…”

“Meet me out front tonight, full costume.” We're going fishing!

“You got it.”

“Is it…” Kira trailed off.

“Yeah.”

hieisues @ 2006-03-13T10:33:00

2006-03-13T16:34:27Z

SPRING BREAK! WOOHOO!

Today's fic is by a new author who wants us to 'give me a break alright.' Sure...

Title: From strangers to friends

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: BeautifulDisasterForYou

Rating:

Full Name:
Cami
Kitani Takashi
Species:
Cami - Human hopefully
Kitani - Probably a fox demon *sighs*
Hair Color:
Cami - Not mentioned
Kitani - "dark brown with light brown almost blonde highlights, cascading down to her lower back"
Eye Color:
Cami - Not mentioned
Kitani - "honey brown" but they flash gold
Markings: None yet but Kitani has "smooth skin"
Possessions: Katanas, cell phones, bo sticks, strange servant girls *gags*

Origin: I would like to know so that I may cement it shut
Connections to Canon: Prank call Kurama so Kurama and Hiei both go to find their prankers. Kurama seems to fall in lurve with Kitani

Special Abilities: Amazing speshul weapon skillzzzz...*beats self with bat*

Pros: Some things spelled right.

Cons: Giant paragraphs of doom! Total OOCness and no AU warning (okay, I understand that not many people have seen the end of the series and most future fics are AU but still! Research!). Kitani is a total self-insert as she described and the other character isn't. They're American (says in summary '5 Americans' but only two have appeared, thank the Lords) and have no problem speaking Japanese. Sue Logic just burns, spelling, punctuation, and grammar have died, and the Sue is freakin' rich. Just kill me now.

Sample:
There was a loud crashing, signaling that Yusuke and Kuwabara came in. ...Why? Kurama marked his page and closed his current book he was reading. Well, considering he closed the book after looking at it, I hope he was reading “May I ask why you just barged into my home?” he asked seeing the two grin at each other before toppling onto the floor, laughing. “Explanation” was the last word that came from Kuramas mouth as the two got their breath. Kuwabara had a goofy grin on his face while Yusuke said “Aw man we just saw a Sue ~~the funniest thing~~!” Mr. Comma feels violate and abused

FlashBack- At Sunset Bar No! Flashbacks!

There was a female flipping bottles, showing that she was an experienced bartender. How does that show she's an experienced bartender? More like experienced circus freak She was tall, looking around her early twenties and about 5’7. I like how there's an apostrophe for the feet but nothing for the inches Her hair was dark brown with light brown almost blonde highlights, cascading down to her lower back. A waterfall of description... Her skin was smooth and her eyes were honey brown. “Be careful!” shouted someone behind the bartender. It was the bartenders boss. Wow. Her boss was shorter Than who's boss?, around 5’3 looking about the same age as the bartender. The boss strode over to her employee with a stern face. “Psh, im already experienced Cami” the female said casually. Cami, who Yusuke and Kuwabara could already guess was the boss ...*headdesk* said “Dont you talk to me like that”. You could hear a laugh before the reply. “Ill talk to you however I want” the employee I don't care if she's the boss' friend, no one would talk to me like that in work said before placing her hands on her hips. “Say something rude or despiteful Despiteful, that's a new one again and youre fired!” There was a long silence as the employee turned around and started to walk away before turning around ...huh?. The employee flipped her boss off and said “fuck you” and ran off. “Thats it! Youre fired!” You now owe Donald Trump sixty cents you could hear Cami yell over the music as her employee waved with a smile, replying. “Okay Cam Cam! See you tomorrow!” Shaking her head, Cami sat down resting her head between her hands. “ai that girl” Wait, she's Irish now?

Yusuke and Kuwabara sat at table, not too far from the bar. ...Wait, why are they in a bar? They saw the whole scene that just happened. They looked at each other with a moment of silence before falling off their chairs in laughter. A tender What the hell is that? came by asking if they needed anything, they both shook their heads but asked “Why did the employee say shed come back after being fired?” Cuz, you know, we're just so effing curious The tender gave a smile along with a light chuckle. “ill tell you in a moment” she said as she walked behind two doors to put down her stack of trays.

The tender came back and took a seat at the table. What? Oh nevermind Exhaling she began her explanation. “You see, the employee is the bosss best friend. Shes not really fired, its just that she works her time to time when shes bored. The so called employee is Kitani and she owns the club Tropical Heat across town. She owns a club and yet works at a bar? Oh yeah, perfect sense Ive known Kitani and Cami for a long time. They have been best friends since forever though Kitani does have another group of really close friends as I can recall.” What? Why are you telling complete strangers this? The tender got up and wrote her number on a piece of paper before placing it onto the table. “Give me a call cuz I want to get in your pants if you want to know anything else about those two. You two arent the first to ask” she said before walking off. So you randomly give strangers your number to tell potential stalkers about your friends? Yeah, that is some great work

End of Flash Back Thank gods

hieisues @ 2006-03-12T18:10:00

2006-03-13T00:58:09Z

This is one of the longest stories I've actually done since I usually do new ones fresh off the press. It keeps me from re-doing one.

Title: Turning Tables

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: 4-is-lovely

Rating:

Full Name:
Lillian Parker
Kally Motez
Kurino Calbre
Species: I think they're all human
Hair Color:
Lillian - "long light brown hair that went to the middle of her back"
Kally - "short light brown hair that went to her shoulders"
Kurino - "short light brown hair but it was darker than Lillian’s and Kally’s"
Eye Color:
Lillian - "brilliant, big, hazel eyes that seemed to hold many secrets, and yet they were playful in a sense that just make you want to smile" They make me frown in despair
Kally - "mischievous hazel eyes, but if you looked closely you could see a haunted past, but that was hardly ever visible" Of course, one has to be angsty
Kurino - "Her eyes were more on the greener side, but still hazel. These eyes were helpful and cleverness sparkled in them too" That's a really ugly green color, sorry to say
Markings: All of them are be-ew-ti-ful and slender with curves *gags*
Possessions: Our boys' brains and souls

Origin: The 'Spirit Detective' part of YYH Mary Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: Go to Sarayashki High School (even though it's a Jr. High *rolls eyes*) and meet Yusuke, Keiko, and Kuwabara. Yusuke and Kuwabara are all 'OMG, they're so effing hot.' They are also Spirit Detectives as well.

Special Abilities: Spirit Detectives and something else that I really don't want to read to.

Pros: Most of the thing is spelled right and no giant paragraphs of doom.

Cons: My gods, where is the description? It's 85-90% talking! The Sues are just that, Sues who are smart and techy. It hurt my eyes to read. There's author's note thrown in and around and she just changes the school instead of making up a new one. Punctuation disappears and reappears randomly as well. I doubt she's seen past the Sensui arc as well. Sue Logic rears up and burns my retinas to death.

Sample:
Beep Beep Beep Beep-SLAM! The accursed alarm clock returns again to be destroyed

A young girl around the age of 16 punched her alarm clock that she loathed more than preps. Oh gods, it reminds me of teh bad HP fic with the "goffik" chick This girls name is Lilian Parker, an American Of course, American girl who just recently moved to Japan with her two best friends Oh yeah, even the friends are along for the ride, Kurina Calbre and Kall Motez ...What?. And when I say recently I mean like a day. Of course Today was their first day of at Sarayashiki High. (I know it’s a Jr. High bear with me I want it to be a high school)(Don’t sue) Don't worry, I won't sue, just bash your head in with my 'Bat of Doom.'

Lilian had long light brown hair that went to the middle of her back, and brilliant, big, hazel eyes that seemed to hold many secrets One of which was that she was a Mary Sue, and yet they were playful in a sense that just make you want to smile. I wince in pain She had a slender body and adorable curves, and she was strong. (Don’t think female wrestler, weirdoes) ...I'm not even going to comment on that She stood at 4’9”. What a coincidence! That's Hiei's height! /sarcasm

Kally had short light brown hair that went to her shoulders and mischievous hazel eyes, but if you looked closely you could see a haunted past She lived with ghosts?, but that was hardly ever visible. She, too, was slender and had curves that could kill. They did, they killed our boys' souls She was strong and stood at about 5’3”.

Kurina also had short light brown hair but it was darker than Lillian’s and Kally’s. Her eyes were more on the greener side, but still hazel. These eyes were helpful Well, yeah, eyes are helpful. They're eyes. and cleverness sparkled in them too. She was skinny but in a healthy way and had a slight build and accenting curves that made her look even more feminine. She, of, was strong and was the tallest of the three standing at 5’6”.

Their alarm clocks all went off at the same time and they all took showers at once and everything

they did was synchronized from when they entered to when they exited. ...ROBOTS!

After their showers they all got into their uniforms At least they wear uniforms and went downstairs to get in the most important part of the day, breakfast. Lily made coffee, while Kurina made tea, and Kally just had a glass of orange juice. That's not breakfast, that's just drinking

After their breakfast they did the grooming part of the day. I didn't know that 'grooming' had to be done during a specific part of the day

They all walked out of their rooms at the same time Good Gods, the unison makes me scared and looked at each other smiling. They went downstairs and when Lily looked at the clock she said:

“Hey guys,” They looked at her.

“School starts at 9, right?” They nodded.

“Well its 8:15!” she said. OMG! LIEK, What should we, liek, do about it?

“So?” questioned Kally.

“SO! We don’t even know where school is!” she yelled back. *palmface* As soon as those words had left her mouth there was a knock on the door. Cue Grim Reaper to say they are dead

“Huh?” questioned Kurina out loud.

She went to the door to answer it with Lily and Kally right behind her. She opened the door to find a girl with brown hair smiling at them. She was also wearing the same uniform as them. Wow

“Hi! I’m Keiko!” she said perkily. ...perkily?

“Hello I’m Kurina.”

“Yeah! And I’m Kally!”

“Lilian Parker, but you can call me Lily.” She bowed politely.

“Cool! So I saw you guys were new from America right?” Keiko questioned. Kaiko's been given speshul knowledge skillz

“Do we really stand out that much?” Lily questioned back. Like two American tourists in the middle of the Sahara Desert without any water. Top it all off with a giant, neon sign that says 'Dumbass Americans right here!'

“Sorry!” Keiko said giggling.

“S’ok but we’ll probably get lots of looks at school.” said Kally. Cuz, you know, they're so be-ew-ti-ful

“Hey you guys are gonna be going to the same school as me!” Keiko said happily. Keiko's speshul knowledge skillz were taken away at that moment

Lily, Kurina, Kally lightly sweatdropped at this. Why?

“Yo Keiko! Can we move this along! I aint getting any young here!” yelled a green-uniform clad boy. Cue Yusuke, who then kills the Sues

“Shutup Yusuke.” Keiko yelled at him, Lily’s eyes widened at this name as she saw him but quickly went back to normal. Yeah since, you know, going to school with one of the greatest Spirit Detectives in the entire world is normal.

More Cats...I Hate Fic-Cats

2006-03-12T03:42:57Z

Today's Sue continuously bitch-slaps our friend, Mr. Logic. Let us observe a moment of silence for Mr. Logic.

Title: FROZEN TEARS

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: BloodeyRose

Rating:

Full Name: Kiki Ugh, a bad Miyazaki fan
Species: I think a Ferry girl
Hair Color: "long dark purple hair with black highlits that was put up in an oval bun with 2 curly strands on hair"
Eye Color: Not mentioned, thankfully
Markings: Be-ew-ti-ful
Possessions: 4 big cats which includes a white tiger named Blizzard *rolls eyes*

Origin: The newly refurnished 'Cat Demon/Obsessed' part of Mary Sue Hell
Connections to Canon: The new girl at Kurama's school (of course). Has to live with our four boys. Falls in luv with Hiei as well more than likely. My poor Tantei. *cries*

Special Abilities: Mad Cat Skillz *does stupid hand signs* Sorry, I've been doing that since I saw Zula in the new Avatar commercial. Probably ferry girl skills as well.

Pros: Um, well, no paragraphs of doom and I found a small plot.

Cons: Quotation marks suddenly disappear and vanish from sight. Spelling and grammar suck and logic receives quite a few bitch-slaps to the face. OOCness runs amok and our Mary Sue is just a moron. WTF? occurs through several points in our story and leaves me wishing I hadn't used up the bleach on my laundry.

Sample:
“Shuichi Minamino” please report to the principals office” came a voice from over the after school announcement. The hell?

The whole class said “Oh” Wait, I thought it was after school.. and all the girls in the class started to freak out. Freak out! *starts dancing* Shuichi stood up and walked out of the class and walked down the hall and turned right an soon became face to face with the principals office door. ...nevermind, it's too easy to pick at

Shuichi toke I toke you! a deep breath and walked in. He saw the principal sitting at his deskwith Is that like a new type of sandwich? a very pissed look Wow, a pissed principal. on his face talking to a girl that he could barley There's barley in the office? What, are there goats running around or something? see setting in a chair across from the principal then the principal looked up and seen Shuichi. I seen you! I seen me!

The principal stood up and walked over to Shuichi with a pissed Wow, he's still pissed! look on his face then with every step closer he started turning happy again Do I want to know? Probably not “Shuichi how are you” Punctuation died Shuichi now had a very confessed ...okay look on his face now.

“Fine but may I ask why you called me down here” Please, enlighten us all the principal went back to being pissed Bipolar, I guess and pointed towards the chair. Shuichi looked at the principal then the chair than the principal then remember that there was a girl in the chair that the principal was yelling at. ...*pulls out scapel* Dissection 101

Shuichi walked up to the chair and spun it the chair Wow, I would've never guessed he spun the chair around! around an was face to face with a girl that had long dark purple hair with black highlits that was put up in an oval bun with 2 curly strands on hair hanging down she wore a purple spaghetti shirt that hugged her curves yet at the same time showed her flat stomach she had on black sweat pants that hung on her hips with her legs crossed left over right with a beautiful huge white tiger sitting right next to her chair as she was petting her with a smirk on her face. I dare someone to say that entire sentence out loud without taking a breath. I dare you.

Shuichi just stood there looking her up and down any one who was watching he could have sworn that he was drooling. NO! Kurama! *weeps* The principal walked over to them and introduced them Kiki, Shuichi and vis versa.

Kiki stood up and walked over to Shuichi the tiger Wait, why would anyone allow a tiger in a school? Tell me since dogs aren't allowed anyways. not to far behind her she held out her hand “nice to meet you Shuichi I’m Kiki and this is Blizzard”she said as she pointed to the white tiger Blizzard bowed her head a little. Shuichi shook her hand “I’m Shuichi”he said with a bright smile then the bell rang. Thank Gods.

Kiki picked up her book bag and walked out with Blizzard right behind her “later red” she said as she waved. Damn nicknames.

GENKAI’S TEMPLE SO SPECIAL IT NEEDS TO BE CAPITALIZED!

“YUSUKE YOUR SUCH A PERVERT” Keiko yelled as she slapped him and it echoed throughout the whole temple. Keiko's gotten better

“Look woman I told you it was an accident” Yusuke! The Sue has reached you as well! *sobs* Yusuke said now getting a little annoyed as Kuwabara was laughing and Hiei was smirking and yukina Yukina's just so unimportant just smiled.

“Oh yea like groping my but and boobs was an accident” she said as she put her hands on her hips .

“Well yea the boobs was an accident but the asspart was just for fun”and before he could stop his self there was a hand coming straight for his face but he was saved by Botan and Kurama .

Hey everyone”Botan said with Kurama right behind her.

“BOTAN”all the girls cried out as they ran to her and hugged her then they turned around “oh hello Kurama”then they turned there attention back to Botan before Kurama could ever reply . Girls...*rolls eyes* Wait, I'm one of them. Damn.

As soon as Botan got free from the girls she looked at the guys with a serious face “Koenma has an important mission for you guys” Of course he does! It involves killing the new girl at Kurama's school! You can't miss her, she has a big-ass tiger on her heels for no reason

“Well what is it” Yusuke asked with a confused look on his face

“I don’t know he wouldn’t tell me this time but I wont be able to attend to help you through the mission I’ll be to busy working”with that Botan left. ...Okay, yeah. What?

An before the guys new it they were in side of Koenma’s office. The hell? How did they get there? Why isn't there a KOENMA'S OFFICE? They were about to say something when they heard yelling out side of the office .

“Look you little bitch don’t tell me what to do and don’t touch my pets.” One guess on who it is

Kurama knew that voice it sounded like Kiki. Kurama chuckled and the boys looked at him weird Kurama looked up “she’s a new girl at my school” Kurama! Hurry, get the antidote!

Then they heard another voice now all there attention was at the door again. “Look if your gonna stay here then you have to follow the rules like the rest of us” The hell? What's going on?

Trust me, it gets worse after that.

hieisues @ 2006-03-11T08:40:00

2006-03-11T15:18:37Z

Okay, sorry for not updating yesterday. I got home late and wanted to sleep. So I'll get you two today (as if one wasn't enough).

Title: Burn it Black

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: TwitchyEars007

Rating:

Full Name: Kumori
Species: A demon of some sort
Hair Color: "Ebony hair dusted with red"
Eye Color: "crimson colored irises burned like coal"
Markings: Dog/cat/fox ears, claws
Possessions: Two sais and a bucket of angst

Origin: Somewhere in the Makai hopefully
Connections to Canon: Our four boys are sent to 'help' her in some odd way

Special Abilities: Fighting and fire...things.

Pros: This is one of the best written ones I've seen so far. There are a few spelling mistakes but nothing major. The plot is somewhat interesting but predictable. I'm slightly surprised really.

Cons: The first person threw me off and a giant plothole in the first chapter. The character is introduced in the first chapter which makes me gag slightly. And slight ellipse abuse. Other than that, really nothing.

Sample:
I sat on the rooftop yet again, the night sky silently singing it’s its sad song to me. Ebony hair dusted with red swayed in the cool night breeze, casting a dark shadow on my face, though my crimson colored irises burned like coal, illuminating the edges of my longing eyes. Run-on

“To belong to a world of things that cry in the dark,” I recited, my soft voice turning the cherry blossom leaves that tumbled along with the wind blowing in front of me to burn at the corners and burst to ashes.

The edges were still caught on fire, and they turned to embers and flowed below me. I held out my clawed hands, catching the last traces of light, and allowed them the softly fade in front of my face. ...what now?

They barely cast the faintest trace of light upon my features, showing a pale skinned girl of the age of about 16 spell-out in appearance. My eyes seamed almost evil, *gasp* sending shivers down most demons’ backs with a single wash of my gaze.

Well…that’s how it was…when I was free…Abuse!

“Those were the very last words that bound me,” I whispered, remembering the incident almost as clearly as the day it happened, so many years ago…

My memories were dull colors, and the edges of the images were frayed, like thousand-year-old photographs. The man’s face was forever burned into my memory, and the same sensation of hate resided in my soul….

Forever…

It was a time period to long for words, and words didn’t fit the feel of a trapped fox cornered by four dogs…. When will the abuse end?

Forever, I thought, spreading my clawed fingers upward into the dark wind that tossed my hair about, casting the last embers into the lonely night.

Forever to wander where the gentle breeze carried them until they died and disappeared, forever forgotten under the warm summer midnight sky.

A sudden snap of sound made my ears ring and my eyes to close in pain. The noise made my ears ring Repetitiveness burns down to my stomach, and it wasn’t a very pleasant feeling. I looked to my left to find the source of the infuriating reverberation.

No longer were my eyes unaware and relaxed, but alert and angered.

I softly unfolded my legs that had been previously lying to the side of the roof and stood up, balancing my weight with my bare feet on either side of the spine. Another, more powerful wind made my open cape to flow behind me, revealing my uniform underneath. Here we go.

It consisted of a white tank that had a collar wrapped around my neck, and it had a slit in the center to allow me to breath easily. Sleeves were made of clear fabric that began at my biceps and ended laid over the top of my hand, three straps of leather attaching the sleeves to the tank revealing the top of my shoulder. Another strap of leather was used as a cuff, making the end of the fabric frill over my hands. My black skirt Who fights in a skirt? rested across my hips, flowing down elegantly to my knees. A cool gray metal piece started at the corner of my right hip and thickened as it wrapped around to my left hip, widening so it was an inch thick at my right and placed on my left mid thigh. A single leather strip acted as a belt and held my weapons: two ebony Sais Is this supposed to be capitalized? with an orb on each hilt, glowing a soft red black.

My hair was blowing behind me, giving me a clear view of my territory. On the outskirts of my small land I saw four boys. Narrowing my eyes to obtain a clearer view, I examined the teenagers as they moved further into my land.

The leader of the group, or who I thought was the leader, appeared to be a schoolboy in a green uniform. Beside him was his companion dressed in a blue uniform.

I’ve seen those before…yes…I remember now.

Some boys 25 years ago decided to check out if this place really was haunted, as the rumors had warned. They never left this place. Wow, death! Why, I start to wonder if the boys now entering had seen their corpses lying somewhere in the abandoned forest. If they had, I give them my regards.

If they hadn’t…well…they had no idea who they werescrewing with. Ellipses! *cries*

hieisues @ 2006-03-09T18:51:00

2006-03-10T01:17:25Z

Great day today. We made up a joke for good comebacks.

"You're so ugly that when a pregnant woman walked up to you, the fetus aborted itself and ran away."

It's just so stupid.

Oh yeah, I also found a story (not this one) that was pretty bad to read. People kept saying that spelling and grammar needed to be brushed up. Of course, the author ignored such requests until someone flamed her and you know what the reply was?

"I'm dsylexic."

I don't give a freak if you're old and crotchety, just because you're dsylexic doesn't mean you can't write well. People all around the world figure out ways to overcome their illness and they don't say, "I can't do this, I'm ____." It took around 10 chapters before she got a beta reader even after every chapter, someone would offer to be one. Even then, the chapters that were "fixed" still were an eyesore.

Sorry, it just pissed me off.

Onto the story.

Title: Confused

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: PhyscoticOnna

Rating:

Full Name:
Jenny
Catrina
Species:
Jenny - Human hopefully
Catrina - Ditto
Hair Color:
Jenny - "Brown/frosted"
Catrina - "Strawberry blonde"
Eye Color:
Jenny - Hazel
Catrina - Blue
Markings: None yet
Possessions: Jenny has a katana and all of the YYH DVDs. Catrina just sits around

Origin: Somewhere...*music starts playing* Godammit! It told you to get out!
Connections to Canon: Fall into the YYH universe. Meet our boys, fall in luv with Hiei and Kurama. The usual, you know.

Special Abilities: Jenny is "good in gymnastics and she weilds a good katana" What's a 'good katana' though? Catrina "just sits around and lets Jenny do all the work." It's good that they aren't uber powerful though.

Pros: It isn't that bad, just very short. Funny thing was, everything for above was in an RPG style format. I really can't figure out anything else.

Cons: Some misspelled words and spacing problems. A little bit of grammar problems and author's notes in the middle of text. The whole 'we fell into the YYH world!" always annoys me though. It's slightly boring and I really don't want to read into it anymore. Capitalization problems as well.

Sample:
One morning Jenny was walking down the street to her friend Catrina's house she had brought her yuyu dvds and they were gonna have a yuyu marathon. Run-on.

Name: Jenny

Age: 14

Eye color: Hazel

Hair color: Brown/frosted

Specialties: NONE but she is good in gymnastics and she weilds a good katana. How does one wield a 'good katana?"

Name: Catrina

Age: 16

Eye color :Blue

Hair color:Strawberry blonde

Specialties: None she just sits around and lets Jenny do all the work.
What the hell? This is not an RPG!

KNOCK KNOCK "come in Jenny" Catrina called from the living room Jenny walked in Catrina was trying to hook up the dvd player "need some help ?" asked Jenny setting her dvds on the table Catrina turned to look at her "how many did you bring?" All of them ,why"" no reason"Kay lets get this over with" Ugh, paragraph of doom

The girls stayed up until 4o'clock in the morning , well Jenny did then she fell asleep. ...great to know! /sarcasm

Catrina was the first to wake up and it was pitch black ,she kicked Jenny which turned out to be a bad idea ,because the next moment 'hello floor' Hello no punctuation

Next she tried to shake her and then she slapped her Jenny rolled over "What do you want" "we're not at my house any more Of course you're not! You're in hell!

just then lights started to come on Was it a dimmer switch or something? Usually, lights just flash on.

"uh oh" Said Jenny. That's right. You're being tried for Mary Sue-ness

This was the entire first chapter...

A Poem Dedicated to Sues

2006-03-09T01:59:53Z

One question: Is this a narrative poem? I hate writing them and I can't tell if this "tells" a story or not.

Perils of the Internet
I slammed my head repeatedly into a desk
Willing the awful images away
On the screen of a laptop, a giant block of text
Glared mockingly at the English language
I fought with the headache as the supposed story
Laughed and poked the dying Grammar and Spelling
In an effort to salvage it, I wrote away to the "author"
Explaining my dislike of the horrors I had witnessed
The Enter Key cried out in abuse, sobbing with Mr. Caps Lock
The Grammar Gods above writhed in agony
The Spelling Saints screamed in pain
Quotation marks were shot down like gamebirds
I supported them all, typing fast to save them
After sending my plea, I waited minutes, hours, days for a reply
The troops were sick and dying with each repeated offense
I toiled away, trying to keep them alive as they faded
The "author" sent back! With rejoice I opened the message
And frowned as the "author" called me "stoopid" and an "awfuly bad pperson"
She didn't need "greamar" because it was her story
The troops died that day and I wept for humanity
Then grabbed the bleach as nothing hurt worse
Than the death of the English language.

hieisues @ 2006-03-08T19:11:00

2006-03-09T01:39:09Z

I've learned something. Hot glue guns and I do not mix. I burnt myself yesterday and it's made a cool looking bubble. Erm.

We've met this person quite a while ago. She's still producing crap though so another spork fest!

Title: An elf, cat and a fox? OH MY! CHAOS! God smites you now!

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Black Shadowed Rose Yami Fan

Rating:

Full Name:
Alex
Ducky/Sarah
Mika/Sky
Species:
Alex - some sort of cat demon
Ducky - fox demon I guess
Mika - an Elf? The hell?
Hair Color:
Alex - Don't know
Ducky - Don't know
Mika - "her hair, that was gold, but dyed to brown"
Eye Color:
Alex - "beautiful, forest piercing green eyes, that held, secretes, regret, and mystery, and chaos" All in that order.
Ducky - "were of a sea of blues" People have eyes that big?
Mika - "piercing black eyes"
Markings: I don't want to type it down. It's too awful
Possessions: The entire canon so that she may rape it whenever she feels like it. *sobs*

Origin: scaped from Lucifer's posse and decided to reak havoc on the YYH universe.
Connections to Canon: The four guys are sent to hunt them down and they get in a fight. Thankfully, we're not past that.

Special Abilities: Can turn into a cat, fox and elf. And make everyone OOC.

Pros: Nothing!

Cons: The Spelling Saints and Grammar Gods are writhing in agony and dying slowly. The names are often not capitalized and OOCness bitch-slaps sane people. For some odd reason, she takes over five paragraphs to describe their "manision." It sucks out loud. Run-on sentences of doom make their comeback as well. These girls are the masters of logic and refuse to let it out of its tiny cage. I bet there will also be romance and the guys will die. Oh, yes. The entire story is in bold, like her last one. It burns the eyes.

Sample: For your viewing displeasure, I have taken the bold off.
A hand with claw like nails, shot out and grabbed the clock, wrestling it to the floor while a the person wrestling it was saying "AAHHHH! i'll kill you!" and stuff. The hell is that? Damn run-on sentence of doom!

Then as the person was doing that,the person got up from having ripped the thing apart, What? and tripped on the cord, and fell on her but saying "I hate monday morning karma", another person came into the room, and glared at the other on the floor. *bashes head with bat*

"I hope you are happy! 'Cause, unless you get ready, we are going to be late for school Alex!" Yeah, they go to school. For some unholy reason

The said girl got up and walked over to her sister saying "So? I really don't care a flying rat's-" balls. No love for the rat but got cut off when a hand shot out and covered her mouth and a voice said, "Now, why can't we all just get along? Please, pleaes, please Mika! just this once!"

Mika sighed and said "Alrighty, go and get dreesed, What is this this 'dreesed?' and that means change your clothes," ...ewww.. she said to them, mostly to their other sister, Ducky, as she and them got ready, and went to the three bath rooms in their whole entire house. Argh! Their 'house' was actually a manision. *blinks*

That had, at least 20 rooms, a large size living room, fit for a queen, that had the most largest t.v. screen, that was at least $4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and had a silk black, long couch that reached the ends of the room sitting infront of the t.v., and a large half the size of the couch love seat that is green, and another that is red. The walls in the living room, are painted, sivler, one wall with a ten tailed fox standing up, the other with a black dragon laying down, another with a cat sitting up staring at you, and the last one, had a picture of the famous youko, the legendary thief. I dare someone to say that sentence out loud without taking in a breath

Alex's room, had dark midnight blue walls, with a cat abouve her bed, that is a king size one, and she had a flat screen t.v. at least half the size of the one down starirs, and the same chairs, just white. Why do we care?

Ducky's room had, forest green walls that had trees, and one wall had her fox form sleeping on it. Her bed is the size of alex's, with her baby fox pup, a artic fox, sleeping on it, and the same, chairs, just silver. And the t.v. Again, not caring

And last, but not least, Mika's room had, black walls, and one wall had a dragon laying down, the other a elf, and the same bed, and the same chairs, and t.v., just black. Now it's just annoying

The three bath rooms, looked like one, ...nevermind it being the size of the living room and all, they pretty mich Why is a family member of mine there? get lost in the house. Tense change!

The kitchen, is the size of the living room, has an island, and red tiles, and painting, with the girl's right animal, What does THAT mean? aside from their pets, they have the fox, moishi, What's a 'moishi?' and their wolf, rain, that had dark midnight blue fur, but had grey/blue eyes, and that has 7 tails, and teeth half the size of a t-rex's! But he never hurt them. What the hell? What are they describing?

When she was ready, Alex came out in, a pair of blue jeans, with white tennis shoes, and wearing a baby blue belly top, and she had her midnight blue hair, down and it reached her shoulders, she was around, yusuke's height. When her hair was down, it framed her, beautiful, forest piercing green eyes, that held, secretes, regret, and mystery, and chaos. Self-insert. Probably falls in love with Yusuke hismelf

When, Ducky, came out, she had on, a green belly top, and white shoes, and black jeans, and her, hair that was brown, she died it black, was up in a pony tail, haing to the side, and her long bangs, framed her eyes, that were of a sea of blues, and went to her chin. She was roughly, hiei's height. I bet she falls in love with Hiei too.

Mika came out in, a green belly top, blue jeans, her hair, that was gold, but dyed to brown, was down, to her shoulders, her bangs framed her piercing black eyes, and she was wearing white tennis shoes to! She was also two feet under kurama. Ten bucks says she falls in love with Kurama

It's a CYOA! Kill it!

2006-03-07T12:15:44Z

Poor Hiei, the abused soul. I found myself a Hiei clone! It's awful...

Title: falling for hiei

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: hiei inuyasha lover13

Rating:

Full Name: Sakura Honda ...no, just no
Species: Fire demon I wonder where this is going? *palmface*
Hair Color: "black hair with white tips"
Eye Color: "crimson eyes"
Markings: The word 'Hiei clone' stamped on her forehead
Possessions: The Jagan Eye which is hidden underneath a bandanna as well, a little sister, and an RV to house all her angst.

Origin: The womb of a demented, unimaginative creator
Connections to Canon: Looks EXACTLY like Hiei and falls in love with him. To be honest, I wouldn't fall in love with some one who looks exactly like myself.

Special Abilities: Fire demon, Jagan eye, the works.

Pros: I really didn't want to read it to find out.

Cons: It's in the Choose Your Own Adventure format. I hate those. Sue Logic abounds as the girl's a fire demon but she doesn't live in the Makai. No, she lives in Ningenkai where she can't be killed by a demon. The divorce case with her parents is weird and the stupidness abounds and enslaves all logic and interest. Capitalization problems, spelling errors, and crap lives here and spawns. Oh, Sakura is never capitalized. I don't know why either. It's awful, I might just report it for being a CYOA.

Sample:
Alright your name is sakura Honda This already has lost its potential and you’re a 17 year old girl. Wow. (Your name is that because I like the name sakura) Author's note must die You have black hair with white tips and crimson eyes. Hm, I wonder who that looks like now? Your hair goes to your mid back but it’s usually in a pony tail and your bangs cover most of your eyes to hide the bandana. You are a fire apparition Of course I am. and have a jagan eye *blinks* Okay... just like hiei but you hide it under a bandana. Hiei's is considered a bandanna as well, maybe a ward You are about the height of hiei. Yeah, I gathered that One of your eyes is not yours since of an accident when you were young. FTW? You had someone else’s eyes in you. *blinks* Do I want to know? You are a junior in high school but you usually never go to class since you’re always in trouble. Yeah, I bet You have a younger sister but she lives with your mother. You live with your father and are now going to a new school since the old one kicked you out. Plot device of the suethors Your parents are divorce and since then you were a bad ass. I bet I was Also you have some sort of weapon with you all at times. Wow, no description here whatsoever Your also and artist

----Flashback---- Yay! Too bad we haven't even done anything to start one

You were 6 years old and running around with your 3 years old sister Kara. Oh yeah, that's a completely acceptable Japanese name You were sent out of the house since your parents were fighting.

“It’s your fault for our child!” Your mother yelled while you and Kara peek around the corner.

“Well im sorry that our children are demons ...Okay and not humans. Boo hoo on what your parents think of your children. Well yeah, they're actually considered HALF-DEMONS I mean they did bore a demon child which is you!” Your father growled while getting angry.

“Why do you always bring up my parents when we’re fighting you know how bout this I want a DIVORCE!” That's not much of a reason to get a divorce She screamed while throwing a vase toward your direction and the pieces shatter and one right into your eyes. One? Just one? You screamed in pain as your parents ran over and drove you to the hospital. They removed your eyes ...The surgery logic astounds me. and replaced it with someone else’s Great. Who the hell has red eyes though? and while they did that your parents were signing papers for their divorce. *blinks* If I was injured, I doubt my parents would be signing divorce papers, considering they now have to pay a ridiculous hospital bill.

In court

“Fine the father gets sakura Why is her name never capitalized? while you get Kara. Case dismissed” The judged yelled while you looked through one eyes ...nevermind since one was still in bandages.

“Daddy where is Kara and mommy going?” You asked while your father hugged you.

“They’re leaving to live without us sakura im sorry that this has to happen.”

-----End flashback------

You were holding onto your eye as your father was driving you to your school.

“Sakura are you alright? I see your touching that eye you really need to know that the divorce was for the best.” I doubt many people's dads speak like that Your father said while you grunted. You arrived at your new school wearing all black Wannabe goth, oh wait, we're copying Hiei so we have to wear black and you walked out of the car walking away. The hell was that? Your father drove away as you walked to your first class keeping your head down.

/remember sakura no fighting/ your father telepathed while you nodded and walked in to the teacher grabbing your arm. How the hell did she know where to go?

“Hello you must be sakura WTF? I would like you to stay in the front of the class to say a few words about yourself” Your teacher, Ms. Amaya said while the bell rang. “Good morning class we have a new student here and her name is sakura Honda. Please tell us a little about yourself.”

“HN just leave me alone and I shall with you.” I smite you now, Sue! you said while walking to your seat and sitting down next to the window. A boy with red hair walked into the classroom and apologized to the teacher and 3 other boys walked into the room. One had minty black hair Minty? that had too much hair gel and was wearing a green jumpsuit. Another came in he had orange hair and looked pretty muscular but had a stupid looking face and he was wearing an orange jumpsuit. One more came in he had black gravity defying hair and a bandana wrapped around his head like you and he was wearing black clothing and a katana ...Why is Hiei bringing a weapon to school? Why is Hiei even AT school? on his side. They sat around you and the boy with orange hair was staring at you the whole time.

hieisues @ 2006-03-06T19:05:00

2006-03-07T02:04:53Z

Welcome to another edition of YYH Sues. This one misspelled Shizuru's name so badly, I had to spork it in revenge.

Title: Good by to the old days Goodbye to my sanity, more like it

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Shensi101

Rating:

Full Name: Satine Kuwabara
Species: Human hopefully
Hair Color: "long red hair that shines a light, barley noticeable blue, when hit by the sun"
Eye Color: "stormy gray/blue/green color"
Markings: "Her face is flawless and her lips set at what appears to be a natural pout." I died. I truly died.
Possessions: My sanity and our boys' brains and souls.

Origin: The "Sister" part of MarySueLand
Connections to Canon: Is Kuwabara's and Shizuru's baby sister. Will also fall in love with Hiei. *gags*

Special Abilities: Can get Hiei OOC and make people feel sorry for her.

Pros: I'm so sick of Mary Sues with a 'disease' or 'I have a problem and you can't help me' that I say nothing.

Cons: The OOCness breeds, creates mutant babies, and breeds again. Names are misspelled (Yuskie? And Shizuru's but I'm saving that for the sample) and there are spelling errors. It made my headache worse with all of the stupid angst that isn't needed. It's just plain stupid in all sense of the word. I wish it would curl up in some dark hole and die a slow and painful death.

Sample:
Everyone, including Hiei, walked Why the hell is Hiei walking? up the drive towards Kuwabara’s house. Kuwabara lives in an apartment The nice small house seemed to hide no secrets as all Wow, I don't know what's going to happen at all! windows where open to the public, allowing a small breeze in. Kuwabara looks up to a window Wait...I thought they were getting Kuwabara...confuzzled on the far left and his face pails Where'd the pails come from? Did they land on his face? considerably. Running full fledge ...what? into the house, leaving everyone else with confused looks, Including the readers he reaches the room and bust open the door. Yuskie WTF? Yuskie? YUSKIE? and Kurama are quick to follow as Hiei takes his sweet time to get to the house. I thought they were at the house...ah, screw it

Yuskie’s POV Great, POV changes

I ran up to the room following Kuwabara’s spiritual trail What the hell? only to stop when I hear him yelling at what appeared to be a big lump of blankets Of course it's not! It just appears to be human! sitting in the center of a bed that I’ve never seen before. That's because it magically appeared over night and cast a spell on the entire household

“Come on Satine Satine? Get up! I know your awake I can hear your curses at me for waking you up!” Wow, Kuwabara's been reduced to moron...suethor! He's smart! He's just slow at times! There’s a grumble from beneath the blankets as a small hand reaches out The Ring! Don't watch the video! and grabs Kuwabara’s pant leg pulling his feet out from under him. Hiei took this time to show up only to smirk at the position of Kuwabara’s demise from a pile of blankets. When blankets ATTACK! The Sequel

“Umm… Kuwabara? Who is that under there?” Kurama ask’. Not Kurama! *weeps* Kuwabara instantly stands up and begins to speak when his sister, Seizure, ...*laughs hysterically* Word Spellcheck! answers from the door way.

“That is our little sister, Satine. Who appeared over night but who questions logic? She unlike us has many problems with her breathing and has trouble with breathing in cold air. ...the hell? She also knows what will happen if mom comes You know, it has never been canon that the parents are actually involved with the kids home and see’ her window open so she does it any ways just in spite of her.” Sounds like men...*cough*

“HEY I CAN TELL THE STORY!” Kuwabara says glaring at his sister. I'm sure you can I hear a growl from with in the blankets and a small figure emerges from them with a hint of fire in its eyes. I thought it was female? Very beautiful eye’s at that. Of course. The eyes are possessive A stormy gray/blue/green color accompanied with her long red hair that shines a light, The hair is flourescent... barley noticeable blue, when hit by the sun. Why would it be hit by sun if it already shines? Her face is flawless Of course and her lips set at what appears to be a natural pout.

“HOW ABOUT YOU STOP TELLING PEOPLE MY BUISNESS!” She yells I thought she had breathing problems? revealing a soft voice that would be excellent for singing. She can sing too? When will the amazement stop? We all, We all? Is that the new form of y'all? except for Seizure *laughs again* and Kuwabara, look surprised.

Regular POV

“Satine you know very well what leaving the window open could do to you especial I thought that was espagnol for a moment with your condition.” Kuwabara says.

“…HN!” Damn Hiei rip-off is all she says then gets up revealing a pair of baggy black pants and a red baggy t-shirt.

“Why are they here! You know what mother will say if she finds out you brought Cough! people cough! FTW? She's fine tyelling in caps but can't utter a single statment? Cough! h…Cough! Gasp! Cough!” ...that was just stupid She falls to her knees and grabs her mouth and side’s. Which are also possessive Her eye’s start to water as she struggles to breath. Seizure This amuses me to no end is at her side in a second with a bottle of what appears to be asthma medicine. Okay, I have asthma. Asthma medication is not in a bottle. It is in an inhaler for cases like such. This is almost as bad as the last one She places it to Satine’s mouth and pushed down on the top. ...The hell? Inhalers do not look like bottles. That is all. Kuwabara looks on with scared eyes and everybody else looks at him like he’s crazy. Which he is but that's another story

“KUWABARA! WHY ARN”T YOU HELPING HER!” Yuskie yells. Who is this Yuskie person? Kuwabara looks at Yuskie confusedly but then his face changes dramatically *headdesk* when he remembers that Yuskie didn’t even know he head a younger sister. None of us did. Please enlighten us why she never appeared.

“Well Yurameshi, Man, none of Yusuke's name gets a break she doesn’t trust any boy, guy or person with a penis too bad for hermaphrodite to touch her while she’s like this. We don’t know why so don’t Of course. She's your little sister for ___ years and you still don't know that. ask and she refused to go see any type of doctor So, explain to me how you received asthma medication? so don’t ask if she’s seen anyone about this condition.” He says with his finger shaking like a mother scolding her children. Okay... Everyone, except Hiei, sweat-drops Anime style. What other style is there? Please, someone tell me.

“Kuwabara… if I could breathe…you would be dead right now…” Poor Kuwabara Satine says from her position on the floor. Kuwabara goes down and checks her forehead while Seizure *laughs* close’ the window. Satine slowly stands up brushing Kuwabara’s hand away and makes her way to the door, stumbling a little, but makes it to the door only to trip over her own feet right into Hiei. Ah yes, most women fall for him anyway Hiei freezes up from surprise thinking; Semicolon!

damn what do I do now!... DAMN HER TINYNESS!

you help her up of course!

You. Get. Out. Of. My. Head!

Silence The crickets won't even chirp here, the plot is so boring

Hiei, to everyone’s surprise, gently pushes her out of his chest How did she get IN his chest? and into an up right position. Then he turns her around towards the bed and push’ her towards the end of the bed. Where he proceeded to beat her into a bloody pulp

hieisues @ 2006-03-05T08:15:00

2006-03-05T14:38:56Z

You know what I've been figuring? Austism and muteness and all that good stuff is creeping into The Pit. Don't get me wrong, it's a great way to write a story because you have to see it from the austistic perspective. I've even tried to force myself to write a story like it (which won't come into existence for a long time more than likely if at all). Unforyunately, it's often done wrong. Like this one.

Title: Yusuke, My New Friend ...Okay...

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: IdiotFanGirl We gathered that.

Rating:

Full Name: Shina Koiasaka Dammit, she stole my OC that's never seen the light's name
Species: Human I believe
Hair Color: "long black hair"
Eye Color: Not mentioned
Markings: Nothing
Possessions: Unfortunately, Yusuke's brain.

Origin: I really don't want to know
Connections to Canon: Yusuke becomes her "big brother" which I understand to be like a high school "Pal or Buddy"

Special Abilities: The ability to make Yusuke OOC...

Pros: I do have to say something, the kid is austistic (goddammit, she stole from me too! *checks room for cameras*). Decent spelling as well (but she can't spell wannabe).

Cons: Giant parargraphs of doom rear their ugly head. Now, I know she can use the 'Enter' key because the giant paragraphs are split into smaller giant paragraphs. It's confusing and I can't tell where it is in the series to determine how Yusuke should be acting. The entire dialogue makes my brain hurt because it needs to be put in a different way, especially Yusuke's. It's not really long so I can't say much else.

Sample:
‘Shina Koiasaka please report to the office’ Considering this is in Japan and she uses -san, shouldn't the name be flipped? the intercom announced in Mr. Kioyama’s English class. “Koiasaka-san you are excused” “thank you sensei” Shina replied to her teacher. No! Curse you giant paragraph!

‘I wonder what this is for maybe my new guardian is here!’ Two separate thoughts! Please at least use Mr. Comma Shina thought to her self. “Ah, Koiasaka-san Tell me, is this the right one to use? San? I'm not acquainted with them that much please let me introduce you to your new guardian big brother Uremeshi, Urameshi Yusuke!” Oh, now they do it. Shina’s eyes widened at the sight of the boy who saved her yesterday Yeah, that was the entire first chapter.—her new big brother! “Nii-san!” Isn't it Onni-san or is that like 'dad' or 'bro'? she yelled as she hugged Yusuke her head on his abs. Someone's getting a little too frisky “Hey you’re the kid from the alley! So I’m your new brother, huh? ” She looked up at him and smiled brightly. Ugh, poor Yusuke

Yusuke agreed to meet Shina after school , take her the place she loved most. ...0.o “Mr. Uremeshi, may I have a word with you?” Shina’s counselor requested. Yusuke was half way down the hall when he stopped “who, you mean me?” Naw, the guy behind you. “yes its about Shina, she has a form of autism, when she was young her brain got only so little air This I couldn't understand, did she get air to the brain or did her entire body not get enough air? when she was in side her mother and now she’s 11 years old but because of her condition only in 3rd grade. That was incredibly unneeded So you see it’s extremely important you are always with her so she doesn’t hurt herself and more.” Yusuke was confused she acted normal she could walk by herself and talk maturely he didn’t see what the problem was. Mr. Comma, I will avenge you! “But, she seemed normal don’t autistic kids look a little different and actually act autistic?” Congratulations, Yusuke. You've earned the bone-head award. “Shina, she’s like a normal kid really she is but its not normal autism, it’s like a tumor in the brain but not. ...So what the hell is it? One day she could be completely normal but the next she could be exactly like the autistic kid your imagining, do you kind of get it?”. No. And why is there a period on the outside of that quotation? “Nope! I'm glad someone's on my side But don’t worry I’ll watch out for the kid you can count on me!” he said walking out of the school building.

The Number Four or the Four Mary Sue Special of the Day

2006-03-04T19:07:07Z

Another boring fic with an obvious self-insert. Trust me, you'll be able to tell immediately.

Title: Two Spirit Detectives

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Kitty Virginia Writer

Rating:

Full Name: Congratulations! We have four Mary Sues today!
Midnight
Athena Ah, Greek
Rikku
Shadow
Species: Unfortunately, there is nothing for this and one is 'apparently' Hiei's twin sister. *palmface*
Hair Color:
Midnight - "long black hair with white highlights and blood red tips"
Athena - "long blonde hair"
Rikku - "long brown hair"
Shadow - "long red hair" WTF? A red head named Shadow?
Eye Color:
Midnight - "One eye was crimson red and the other was a very pale icy blue"
Athena - "very pale ice blue eyes"
Rikku - "had deep brown eyes"
Shadow - "stunning emerald green eyes"
Markings: Nothing hopefully. Oh, except for being 'beautiful.'
Possessions: Besides thousands of pounds of jewelry, chains, and "pears" of jeans, our four boys' souls.

Origin: The "Spirit Detective" Hell and escaped from Koenma and Enma's notice
Connections to Canon: Meet our four boys as the "second Spirit Detective team." They also deal with the enemy in no time at all while our Tantei had trouble.

Special Abilities: Bright lights. I'm freakin' serious.

Pros: This suethor has a grasp of most of the English language. That's really it.

Cons: The author's notes are longer than the chapter. Misspelled words, giant paragraphs of description that aren't needed, and the repetitiveness of the first word in a sentence. It's always either 'The' or 'She.' It's boring in all sense of the word and the four girls are automatically described as 'beautiful.' Now, I honestly can't bash the plot as I've thought of Reikai having multiple teams because one team can't really protect all of the known world. But this just kills it. OOCness abounds and breeds, corrupting our boys. Names are misspelled but it hopefully won't be updated ever again.

Sample:
Yuske, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama You can spell Kuwabara right but not Yusuke? were having trouble fighting off the fugaki. Of course they were. Then they saw for bright lights: one was black, one was dark purple, How is it that dark lights can be bright? Oh right, logic. one was dark blue, and one was burgundy. The bright light scared all the fugaki way. Of course, already we see our goddesses Then the four guys looked at were the four balls of light landed but instead they saw four beautiful girls. Yes, they were the dreaded Sirens. The Tantei immediately destroyed them and went along on their way.

The first one had long black hair with white highlights and blood red tips. One eye was crimson red and the other was a very pale icy blue. Look! A Husky! She had on a pear Yum. of jeans the flared out at the bottom and had icy blue flames around the flare. She had on a camisole that had fiery red flames around the hem that ended right above her belly button. It showed off her belly button ring. She also had on three necklaces, five bracelets, and in each ear she had four earrings. To top it of she had some chains on one side of her jeans that finished her look. What look? The whore?

The second one had long blonde hair. She had very pale ice blue eyes. She wore almost the exact same thing except that her flames were burgundy. She also did not have any jewelry on. Now you can tell which one is the real self-insert. The others aren't as closely described

The third one had long brown hair. She also had deep brown eyes. She wore the exact something as the others but her flames were dark purple. She had as much jewelry on as the first one did.

The last one had long red hair. She had stunning emerald green eyes. She had one the same thing as the others but her flames were dark blue. She had no jewelry on like the second one. So boring. *headdeskheaddesk*

The first one speaks and says, I hope she says something if she speaks. “Which one of you is the spirit detective for Konenma and Who are you.” Technically, they're all Spirit Detectives, it's Koenma, and you've already asked the last question.

“I’m Yuske and I’m the spirit detective for that toddler. Who are you” he said. Where the hell is a question mark?

“Who are the other three and I’m Midnight.” the first one said. ...wouldn't you say, "I'm Midnight. Who are the other three?"

“The short one over there in black is Hiei. The dude with the red hair is Kurama. And the tall one is Kuwabara. Who are the other three and why are you here?” There's a whole lot of "who are you?" But Yusuke wouldn't introduce everyone. Kurama would most likely introduce himself. And Yusuke would call Kuwabara 'ugly.'

“The blonde headed is Mary Sue, Mary Sue, and Mary Sue. We're here to canon-rape the lot of you and giggle like little girls. Athena. The Brown headed is Rikku. and the red head is shadow. We work for King Emma as his spirit detectives. We were sent her to help you on this mission.”

‘maybe she really is my twin sister, but maybe not. The only way to find out is to see her attacks.’ thought Hiei. Where the hell did that come from? Like a giant bitch-slap to the face of logic.

Today's fic is Brought to you by...

2006-03-04T02:08:23Z

...the letter 'C' for piece of CRAP.

Title: secret love

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: prinadey shy suki

Rating:

Full Name: shy This person does not use Mr. Caps Locks nor Mr. Shift Key
Species: demon, witch, princess How can one be of a 'princess' race?
Hair Color: "long blonde hair to her lower back"
Eye Color: "blueish greenish"
Markings: I cannot figure out if she has any
Possessions: No grammar book of any kind, I can tell you that much

Origin: A girl with the writing of a six year-old
Connections to Canon: Meets our four boys and I think falls in love with one of them. I cannot for the life of me figure out which one though

Special Abilities: I really cannot read this to find out

Pros: Nothing.

Cons: This is like the first 'Killed Hiei' rating. It's a piece of crap. There's no sense of spelling, capitalization, grammar, plot, or anything. Several people have already told her it's a Sue but she doesn't seem to listen. Sometimes it's in script format and sometimes it's not. I cannot stand to even look at it for a short period of time, nonetheless read it. It should just burn in the lowest layer of hell and never creep back out. EVER.

Sample:
i wake up in a cold pitch black room on the floor I damn well hope you're on the floor.my head hurt's (try's to get up) OWWWW my back! No capitalization and it's now an RPG thing.

(turn's on the light) (someone open's the door) glad to see your awake said a tall boy with long red hair with emerald green What the hell? What is this?

eye's.uhhhh who are you? wait where the heck am i, well im kurama and me and my friend's found you laying on the ground Yeah...who the hell's talking?

in demon world so we took you here..uh huh said the girl.. so what's your name? said kurama. It's shy, nice to meet you shy said

the boy.Well let's head down stair's so we can introduce you to the other's, okay said shy.
It's a giant load of crap...and more.
(down stair's)

hmmm so your awake you been asleep for 10 hour's.. said a old lady. there was a black spikey hair dude on the window cill. For a moment, I thought that said "chill."

and two boy's agrueing over a sandwich one with black hair gelled back and the other guy with orange hair.

shy this is hiei said kurama pointing to the guy on the window cill.hiei just stare's and those two over there are.

yusuke and kuwabara and this is old lady is genkai. Kurama would NEVER call Genkai an old lady and live. hi said shy in a nervous voice.so how come a beatiful girl

like you is in demon world knocked out? (punches him) dont touch me kuwabara (the orange head fell back while

yusuke is laughing) hn. said hiei looking out the window. HEY! YOU OVER THERE THE ONE IN THE DRESS!

WHAT'S YOUR PROUBLEM NEVER SEEN A GIRL PUCH A GUY BEFORE! WTF just happened?

(hiei give's her a death glare) it's a cape you patheic fool!. yea yea shorty.

It gets worse, trust me.